perspective

[Resolute]

Same here. My definition is exactly the same, except I condense 2 & 3 into basically being superior to every other male on the planet, or, if you prefer to word it this way, being able to snap the neck of every other male who challenged me.

lol. well i did say 'good' was below 'perfect'; otherwise, being superman would be nice.

[Guest Klingsor]

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[m.allen]

hm, I think if your first point there was what determined everyone's happiness, then something like only 1% of people would be happy for about 10-15 years of their lives, haha. the rest of us would all be miserable all the time.

it's a pretty narrow standard for a good life, especially when all your other aspects of a good life hinge on it. I'm curious why do you think the entirety of a good life can't be obtained if you aren't irresistible to women?

Not to say those things you listed aren't desirable, because they definitely are, but I wonder after a few years of living that way if you would find any lasting fulfillment in it?

Personally, I feel like thinking in terms of 'beta' and 'alpha' males is strange, as well as 'losers' or 'winners'. It's a very black & white or animalistic way to view the wide spectrum of humanity and the world. And a sad way to define your meaning in life as just one big contest.

Maybe at one point in time I would have agreed with both of you that that was a good life. I can tell you now though that after contemplating suicide over my past regrets, I feel that I value things that might seem like fluff or very cheesy, but I believe are things of true value. Nothing really matters in the end except for love, that you give and receive to yourself and others. Sounds lame I know, haha, but the hedonistic pleasures of drugs, alcohol, women, etc. seem to me like a fleeting escape from reality and possibly a misguided yearning for something we feel is missing.

That being said, if you guys can find fulfillment and true happiness in that then all the power to you. As long as no one is harming anyone else, live and let live in my opinion. But I think there are alternative ways to perceive life and, generally speaking, everyone can benefit from opening their mind to new perspectives.

[Resolute]

hm, I think if your first point there was what determined everyone's happiness, then something like only 1% of people would be happy for about 10-15 years of their lives, haha. the rest of us would all be miserable all the time.

it's a pretty narrow standard for a good life, especially when all your other aspects of a good life hinge on it. I'm curious why do you think the entirety of a good life can't be obtained if you aren't irresistible to women?

Not to say those things you listed aren't desirable, because they definitely are, but I wonder after a few years of living that way if you would find any lasting fulfillment in it?

my points weren't meant for everyone, just me (and if they applied to anyone else, that's ok).

and it's not really by choice, i guess it has something to do with early development etc.. anyway, it doesn't have to last my whole life, but i wanted to have experienced it for a couple of decades, before i got old and saggy.

Personally, I feel like thinking in terms of 'beta' and 'alpha' males is strange, as well as 'losers' or 'winners'. It's a very black & white or animalistic way to view the wide spectrum of humanity and the world. And a sad way to define your meaning in life as just one big contest.

Maybe at one point in time I would have agreed with both of you that that was a good life. I can tell you now though that after contemplating suicide over my past regrets, I feel that I value things that might seem like fluff or very cheesy, but I believe are things of true value. Nothing really matters in the end except for love, that you give and receive to yourself and others. Sounds lame I know, haha, but the hedonistic pleasures of drugs, alcohol, women, etc. seem to me like a fleeting escape from reality and possibly a misguided yearning for something we feel is missing.

That being said, if you guys can find fulfillment and true happiness in that then all the power to you. As long as no one is harming anyone else, live and let live in my opinion. But I think there are alternative ways to perceive life and, generally speaking, everyone can benefit from opening their mind to new perspectives.

love isn't my main priority at this point... besides, i wouldn't mind finding 'love' a bit later in life, but being a stud... it's not for senior citizens, unfortunately.

[Resolute]

and another thing about love, i can't really love someone else enough unless i love myself first, and i don't (and can't) love myself (my body specifically). besides, as i've mentioned in some posts, i'm sort of a perfectionist, and an all or nothing type of person, so the kind of love that i seek is not what most people are used to (or have in mind, and are familiar with) at all, and is quite rare, and maybe even somewhat unrealistic these days. so i'm screwed in that department too m.

[Victimorthecrime]

but the hedonistic pleasures of drugs, alcohol, women, etc. seem to me like a fleeting escape from reality and possibly a misguided yearning for something we feel is missing.

My problem is that neither hedonistic pleasures nor the "something missing" aka spiritual life is doing anything for me. I am not sure what is beyond a vague hope that something will grow out of the few good things that remain.

So it goes...

All we can do is our best and hope for the best and not let fear ruin everything.

[mts]

How's it going res?

[Resolute]

hey mts. don't see you much anymore. i know you said you're sort of taking a break from the site, but... anyway, i'm ok, i guess. thanks for asking. how are things with you?

[mts]

hey mts. don't see you much anymore. i know you said you're sort taking a break from the site, but... anyway, i'm ok, i guess. thanks for asking. how are things with you?

Yea I'm trying to focus on my life, it's a pain. I had a BDD assessment, the psychologist was hot. She thought I was autistic. That's how awkward I am. I still check the forums, maybe you can take over my rambling while I'm away? Wishing you well.

[Resolute]

hot psychologist, oohh, looks and brains, nice.

thanks, and i wish u the best as well, mts.

[m.allen]

hey guys, hope everyone's doing well. i'm intermittently doing well and not.

What is it about your body that you don't like res? Maybe if you're out of shape you can always try to get into a good routine? It sounds like such a simplistic and vain thing to do, but there is something to be said for exercise and healthy eating. Like giving yourself a tune up and premium gas. The effects obviously won't be drastic on your mood, or even your body instantaneously, but for the downside of an hour of your day 5 days a week you get so many benefits.

Maybe this could be an avenue for you to start to love yourself?

[Resolute]

hey m, hope you're doing more well than not.

you should ask "is there anything about your body you do like?", the answer would be "pretty much no". exercise i'm afraid won't solve anything, not to mention i have a hard enough time doing the simplest tasks, like showering etc.. and as for eating healthy, i'm lucky i haven't starved to death already, and as they say "beggars can't be choosers". and even if i did those two things, i still wouldn't be able to change many genetically determined physical characteristics, so it would still be pointless.

[m.allen]

Thanks res.

Maybe you could try doing it as a tool to just feel better rather than as something to try to look better? Personally, I feel like exercise clears my head and I almost always feel good afterwards. I imagine meditation has that effect for some people as well.

I'm going to say this somewhat hypocritically, but I'm kindof under the impression now that bettering your life isn't something you can really do through a sudden realization or action, but a culmination of small changes that slowly build into something. Like a train starting it's engines and slowly gaining momentum (because I feel the need to add cheesy similes)

It's obviously a pretty 'inconvenient truth', but something I do think is true. Would you be willing to try to better your life in small ways res? I'm of the opinion that that might benefit you, or set you off in the right direction.

All the best.

[Resolute]

1- Maybe you could try doing it as a tool to just feel better rather than as something to try to look better? Personally, I feel like exercise clears my head and I almost always feel good afterwards. I imagine meditation has that effect for some people as well.

2- I'm going to say this somewhat hypocritically, but I'm kindof under the impression now that bettering your life isn't something you can really do through a sudden realization or action, but a culmination of small changes that slowly build into something. Like a train starting it's engines and slowly gaining momentum (because I feel the need to add cheesy similes)

It's obviously a pretty 'inconvenient truth', but something I do think is true. Would you be willing to try to better your life in small ways res? I'm of the opinion that that might benefit you, or set you off in the right direction.

1- i'm afraid we're way past that point my friend; things that help me 'feel better' etc.. nothing can make a person who has nothing to work with, feel better.

2- again, if i had time and money, then maybe that statement/question would have some validity, but as i've mentioned repeatedly, i'm literally broke, what f$#% small 'changes' could i possibly make? and i'm gonna say it again: i'm not interested in my golden years. my youth (which i never had) is gone, and will never come back, and that's that.

anyway, i'm almost ready to take the plunge, and it seems like i'll be making my announcement shortly. thanks to everyone for listening, and some who tried to help. i really appreciate it.

take care m, and everyone.

[m.allen]

I hate to see you feeling this way, I really hope you decide against making this announcement. you've made a real positive difference in my life and I think more positive change is possible for others and for you in the future. please give that future a chance res.

[mts]

Res, I did notice before how you said meditation has limited benefits, though you said you've never tried it.

Sometimes I get the feeling you might be dismissing things too easily in general without exploring them properly? (Is that fair?)

If you're hungry I hope you'll get some food I know how draining that is. Maybe you could call someone. We're both suffering similar problems in this regard. I know this is really tough but hang in there.

You've always made me feel welcome here, res. I hope you'll give things a chance.

[Resolute]

I hate to see you feeling this way, I really hope you decide against making this announcement. you've made a real positive difference in my life and I think more positive change is possible for others and for you in the future. please give that future a chance res.

i don't know what positive difference i could've made in your life, but thanks for saying that, m.

as for giving the future a chance... i have no future in this world, and neither do many people, they just don't know it yet....

[Resolute]

1- Res, I did notice before how you said meditation has limited benefits, though you said you've never tried it.

Sometimes I get the feeling you might be dismissing things too easily in general without exploring them properly? (Is that fair?)

2- If you're hungry I hope you'll get some food I know how draining that is. Maybe you could call someone. We're both suffering similar problems in this regard. I know this is really tough but hang in there.

3- You've always made me feel welcome here, res. I hope you'll give things a chance.

1- mts, i'm at a point where i don't have the luxury of being able to explore anything properly. i don't have the energy/health, money/resources, time, or will/motivation to do anything.

there are certain things that i simply can't live with, and others that i just can't live without. and no amount of meditation etc. will change that.

2- i'm sorry mts, i know how much that can suck. i'm not currently hungry, but my funds are pretty much depleted, so will have no choice but to catch the bus soon. of course it's not about the food, or hunger etc., i can stand hunger up to a point, but there are things i can't tolerate.

3- thanks mts. i'm sure you would've felt welcomed even if i hadn't been there. it's not about me giving things a chance, it's that 'things' never gave me a chance, and they're not about to start now. not that it matters anymore at this age; i'm past my supposed prime, a prime i never had, and never will.

[m.allen]

hope you don't mind me asking, but what health issues are giving you problems at the moment?

and, you helped me begin to come around to the notion that I shouldn't kill myself over what I did in Thailand, even in the conceivably worst case scenario. it may have seemed to you like a small act of kindness to take the time to reply to my message, but it meant a lot to me.

anyway, maybe you haven't hit your complete prime yet res. maybe your intellectual & emotional prime is still on the horizon?

[mts]

1- mts, i'm at a point where i don't have the luxury of being able to explore anything properly. i don't have the energy/health, money/resources, time, or will/motivation to do anything.

there are certain things that i simply can't live with, and others that i just can't live without. and no amount of meditation etc. will change that.

2- i'm sorry mts, i know how much that can suck. i'm not currently hungry, but my funds are pretty much depleted, so will have no choice but to catch the bus soon. of course it's not about the food, or hunger etc., i can stand hunger up to a point, but there are things i can't tolerate.

3- thanks mts. i'm sure you would've felt welcomed even if i hadn't been there. it's not about me giving things a chance, it's that 'things' never gave me a chance, and they're not about to start now. not that it matters anymore at this age; i'm past my supposed prime, a prime i never had, and never will.

1- Isn't it that you can't live with the thoughts and feelings about these things rather than the things themselves? I mean what if you weren't so distressed with feelings anxiety and despair? Why not try to give up the painful thoughts and feelings and leave room for the birth or rebirth of hope and possibility? How do you know that changing your state of mind won't change the way you feel about certain things?

2- I understand how incredibly hard it is to feel positive when you're in this situation, it's got to be affecting *cough* you.

3- You're not that old at all and young women like older men. I guess you'll say "not this man"...you could date a girl that was not the exact ideal though. You said this would reinforce your negative self image but what if you met someone you really got along with and made you feel good about yourself? Are you sure this perfectionism thing isn't a something you could work on?

[Resolute]

1- hope you don't mind me asking, but what health issues are giving you problems at the moment?

2- and, you helped me begin to come around to the notion that I shouldn't kill myself over what I did in Thailand, even in the conceivably worst case scenario. it may have seemed to you like a small act of kindness to take the time to reply to my message, but it meant a lot to me.

3- anyway, maybe you haven't hit your complete prime yet res. maybe your intellectual & emotional prime is still on the horizon?

1- believe me, too many to mention, or cure.

2- that actually makes me feel good.

3- i agree about intellectual prime, which as i've sort of mentioned, means nothing to me at this point. i don't know about emotional prime, but i'm not going through years or decades of more shit to find out. and in case you're wondering, what i really care about is sexual prime, but chances of me becoming a model or something (and getting loads of women) are bleak. and even if it does by some miracle, i say it's too little, too late.

[Resolute]

1- Isn't it that you can't live with the thoughts and feelings about these things rather than the things themselves? I mean what if you weren't so distressed with feelings anxiety and despair? Why not try to give up the painful thoughts and feelings and leave room for the birth or rebirth of hope and possibility? How do you know that changing your state of mind won't change the way you feel about certain things?

2- I understand how incredibly hard it is to feel positive when you're in this situation, it's got to be affecting *cough* you.

3- You're not that old at all and young women like older men. I guess you'll say "not this man"...you could date a girl that was not the exact ideal though. You said this would reinforce your negative self image but what if you met someone you really got along with and made you feel good about yourself? Are you sure this perfectionism thing isn't a something you could work on?

4- Hope I've not been said too much or too made my points too carelessly. Take care.

1- i don't like hope and/or possibility. i don't wanna sound rude or anything, it's just that i don't like workarounds; it's either real solutions or nothing. i see a paraplegic person wanting to commit suicide, and i completely get it (ever since i was young, so it's not something that developed recently), but if i see one who wants to live, i can't comprehend it.

3- well first of all, it's not just about women liking older men etc., i can't tolerate being old without experiencing youth first. and that ship has clearly sailed... secondly, i'm not interested in someone who "makes me feel good about myself", as that would just be an ingenuine feeling. i wanna truly have something to feel good about. and last but not least, one woman, and two women won't do anything. my ego is dead, and the only thing that would resurrect it, is being a heartthrob [meaning women's hearts (and other parts ) throbbing for me. i would not feel like a real man otherwise], which we all know very well, ain't happenin'.

4- not at all mts. i value your input, as usual. you take care too.

having trouble with emoticons, for some reason.

[Guest Klingsor]

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[Guest Klingsor]

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[Resolute]

hey klingsor. i'm sorry you're feeling so shitty. i can't really say i blame you though....