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Hello,

I have had bouts of depression for many years. Both of my parents have depression so I most likely have a genetic predilection for this. I just started counseling and have discussed this with my doctor who started me on Trazodone for insomnia. The Trazodone worked great for 4 or 5 nights but I am now back to my miserable baseline of sleeping for 3 or 4 hours and then never truly falling into a deep sleep despite having ramped up the dosage from 50mg to 75mg. When I had the few consecutive nights sleeps I felt so much better but despite having ramped up the dosage my physiology seems to be fighting against me. I have had bouts of crying while listening to music or even just thinking about how hopeless I feel. I have lost interest in eating and kind of walk around hungry all day but have been forcing myself to eat some.

Theoretically I have a lot of positives as I regularly exercise outdoors, eat a healthy diet, have a supportive wife and kids who are doing well. I work in an allied health profession that is theoretically one of the best professions in the US. I seem to be able to do maintain my ability to work but I find it taxing that I have to be upbeat, positive and energetic when treating my pediatric clients as I feel like I am being a fake and wonder if the necessity of wearing an upbeat mask is contributing to my depression.

I am worried about the prospect of using antidepressants as they have side effects but maybe this is the best option? When I wake up my mind turns into a gerbil wheel of thoughts and I never get back into a deep sleep. I go to bed scared every night of the impending sleeplessness. Has anybody had experience with biofeedback?

Any thoughts or insights would be appreciated as I feel like I am in a deep well with no rope to get out.

Bman

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Hello, Bman, and welcome to our community. I'm sorry you are struggling. :(

I have some similar issues with insomnia. Trazodone did nothing for me. Clonazepam worked very well for 4-5 months, but recently my insomnia has been back possibly due to some increased life stress. I think it may take some trial and error and possibly switching medications and dosages to see what works best for each of us at any time. I hope you will continue to work with your doctor to find what works best for you. Insomnia can really make every other struggle one might be having so much worse. My heart goes out to you.

Mind chatter sounds a lot like anxiety may be at play. Meditation can be helpful. Do you spend any time relaxing outdoors in addition to your exercise? Medication may also help with this. I am still fighting with insomnia and still trying to find what works best, but I can definitely relate. We are here to listen and support you.

Take care, bman.

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Hello, Bman, and welcome to our community. I'm sorry you are struggling. :(

I have some similar issues with insomnia. Trazodone did nothing for me. Clonazepam worked very well for 4-5 months, but recently my insomnia has been back possibly due to some increased life stress. I think it may take some trial and error and possibly switching medications and dosages to see what works best for each of us at any time. I hope you will continue to work with your doctor to find what works best for you. Insomnia can really make every other struggle one might be having so much worse. My heart goes out to you.

Mind chatter sounds a lot like anxiety may be at play. Meditation can be helpful. Do you spend any time relaxing outdoors in addition to your exercise? Medication may also help with this. I am still fighting with insomnia and still trying to find what works best, but I can definitely relate. We are here to listen and support you.

Take care, bman.

Thank you IrmaJean. I went back to my doctor and he did not want to continue the Trazodone because of its possible but rare side effect of priapism. I am not so happy with that as I have found if increase the Traz to 100mg it still works quite well. Instead he placed me on Ambien which the insurance company has not approved yet. Ambien might be problematic because it might exacerbate my GERD. He recommended trying benadryl for sleep which I might do. I have a script for Wellbutrin sitting around which I haven't taken yet but will discuss with my shrink. I plan to consult with a psychiatrist about medical intervention.

I think the meditation might be a good idea as I am always on the go and constantly thinking about everything which I think is grinding me down.

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Hi. I understand what you mean about "putting on a mask". I did that though because I am a christian and I am supposed to be joyous for being saved. I didn't feel like myself. I eventually let myself feel. I don't know how helpful it is though. I spend a lot of time alone because I am just in college. I don't have a job. I am scared to get a job after I finish my degree because I will need to be kind of "perfect". Im going to be a teacher. I get sarcastic and just really mellow; emotionless, or kind of wired and worries. I have bipolar depression so thats why. Anyway I want to be the best teacher I can be. I want to be someone the kids want to connect with. Its very important for the teacher and student to have a mutual respect. I'm afraid that my illness may come between that. Like if I'm unstable what will they think... thats the things I think about. So I can relate with that mask thing. I don't want to put one on.

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