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So, todays my first day on here. I think it will help. I feel very lonely sometimes.

I have bipolar depression. I was diagnosed sometime after christmas of 2013. I have manic episodes. I can't control my thoughts very well when that happens. I would always think about killing myself. I didn't want to kill myself. I was just afraid that someday I wouldn't be able to stop myself.

I have high hopes for my future. I want to have a family so bad. I want to be a good mom. And I want to meet the one.

I have less manic episodes now. I haven't had a full blown one for like 2 months. I have been getting like, mini episodes. Like neutralized, duller, not as bad. Why am I so bad at describing? lol.

I'm graduating with my associates degree in may. The next semester I'm moving an hour away from my mom to get my bachelors. I am terrified. I hate being alone. I am fearful of my illness. I can't handle it when I'm alone. I mean I can, but the fear becomes a vicious cycle and I start to hate everything about everything. I basically decide that every aspect of my life is miserable. I do that to distract myself from my loneliness and my fear of a manic episode.

I joined this site because I hope for someone to talk to when I am fearful or having a mini episode. I think this could be helpful.

Oh. annndddd Im erica. Im 21. Im going to be an art teacher. I like basketball.

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hi erica, welcome to the community, and i hope you find the support you seek.

btw, i'm 32, don't know much about art, and i like football (soccer). see you around.

Thanks for replying are welcoming me. I really like the site so far. Its an amazing support system. And a great way to fill my time. Extra time can make me get lost in my mind and this is a positive positive time waster.

Nice to meet you. I started at a junior college last year and they have soccer as one of their sports! its so fun to watch! I didn't have soccer anywhere around me when I lived in missouri. When I move back I will definitely invest in some Sporting Kansas City (professional soccer team) tickets every now and then.

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you're so perky, lol. :P

Thanks! I'm not always like this. Todays been a good day. I can be really mean to people when I feel discontent with my life at that particular time. I do a lot of reflecting on my life and it's usually not good. When I live in just this moment, things go much better. I also can just shut off when I have the slightest fear that I might have a manic episode.

I feel so comfortable talking to people on here because we're all struggling.

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