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Comparing ourselves to others


Victimorthecrime
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as for me, that's really not possible, and i'm willing to bet it applies to klingsor as well. it might be possible if each person lived on a separate planet, or in a separate universe, but with the way things are, it's incomprehensible to be indifferent to our place/position/status in the world in which we exist.

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I wonder how many guys that compare themselves to others feel good about the results? There are always people that are going to have it better than you in any number of ways - looks, money, women, adventure, toughness, etc. We see actors wanting to be rock stars and vice versa, no one is ever satisfied. What about inner qualities like being a good person, shouldn't that count for something?

Listen, I do it too but I am trying to do it less because it serves no purpose that I can see and in fact is a source of misery. I can't do anything about it that I often compare myself unfavorably so why stress?

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Guest Klingsor

I agree, it serves no purpose. I wish I could stop. The only palliative I have at this point is simple avoidance. I have made up my mind to turn loose of the cash and buy a power rack to put in my garage. Why not. If I'm too cowardly to blow my brains out and I will always be shit compared to most other guys anyway, maybe I can at least feel physically better. Who knows. But as far as socializing, I will have to confine myself to the farm for company and figure out a way to hire whores for sexual release.

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Good posts here guys. Just to be clear all that has happened is I decided that for as long as I have my health I want to live as well as possible and that means turning down the volume on the comparisons. resolute is right that there is no way to be indifferent to place/status but what I am aiming for turning down the emotional component from such observation.

Yes Klingsor working out is terrific palliative. Need to do more of it.

Quick funny story here. On Monday this week I got my tax refund and said fuck it and went to a strip club. I went in the back w this bodacious hot assed blonde and did this total foot worshipping session! It may sound crazy but it was hot. Now we did more than that my hands were everywhere and grinding too on her micro thong. Yum yum! She had a big smile the whole time and was happy to make tax free dollars on a slow Monday afternoon.

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To feel this way, you first have to admit that there are things in themselves that are qualitatively good or bad, better or worse. This goes back to the "perspective" topic resolute made. Hence the particular focus on things like CBT. To stop comparing yourself negatively to others, you first have to admit that there is no such thing as comparatives - you can't say he's better than me. In something like sports, this kind of thinking presents a paradox... Which is it? Are you better or aren't you? Their answer is usually just, "Everybody's different". Well, this is the first implicit step in admitting there are qualitative differences that automatically yield themselves to comparatives.

For me there is no debate or discussion. Most men are better than I am in all aspects of life. Compulsively comparing myself to them is a matter of course. A perfect example of this is my avoidance of public or crowded places. I feel most vulnerable at these times because I feel like all eyes are on me doing the exact same thing and thinking, "what a puny motherfucker. I feel like a bad ass next to him." Or, even worse, they take no notice at all because I'm so insignificant, like dirt. When I do have to go out, I constantly evaluate other guys and end up thinking, that guy's funny, that guy's tall, that guy has long fingers or big feet (all know what that means), that guy is muscular, just all these things in much greater detail than I've listed here. Then I get so down and angry I just feel rage at the unfairness I have to flee. This even affects me when I am around a television and I see clips of people. Just last night I was at a relatives house and there was a news clip about a shooting at a beach during spring break. The clip showed all these shirtless college guys and bikini girls swilling beer and having fun and probably doing more fucking than breeder farm. I saw those guys with their shirts off and I immediately started comparing, thinking I never even got to go anywhere during my college spring breaks only work, how those guys would effortlessly pull women not even think about it, how I have the physique and looks of a dog-faced cancer patient, I never had the opportunity that millions of guys like this take for granted.

This comparing is obsessive and pathological commensurate with my hideousness. And never feel worse than when I do this, truly. These are the times I feel so full of poison and bitterness and I come away wanted to....

i'm too tired to number and color etc.. i'll just say that i agree with a lot of that, and most of it applies to me too. studies have debunked feet size correlation thing though.

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Good posts here guys. Just to be clear all that has happened is I decided that for as long as I have my health I want to live as well as possible and that means turning down the volume on the comparisons. resolute is right that there is no way to be indifferent to place/status but what I am aiming for turning down the emotional component from such observation.

with cbt? sheer will power? or something else?

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with cbt? sheer will power? or something else?

Fair question. I would say a combination of reason, will power, but mostly that undefinable shift in consciousness that some call a breakthrough. It's like when lightning flashes and you get a glimpse of the landscape.

I am me. I will never be anyone but me and constant comparisons to others separates me from the very thing that makes me unique - myself.

How many men on the planet are irresistible to women? And I mean truly, not based off of wealth and fame. How many guys routinely can truly impose their will on others? These comparisons set the bar so high that losing is the only possible outcome.

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I reading posts here for years and it occurred to me that much of our misery stems from comparing ourselves to others. Unfavorable comparisons around looks, achievement, etc crush people and I wonder is it possible to just stop doing this? Why not just say I am me and they are them and that is that?

Wish it were that easy. Most of the messages we tell ourselves are deeply engrained judgment from others.
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