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Therapy experience

Guest ChinaDoll

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Hi ChinaDoll. :)

I went to therapy for about 6 months and had a positive experience. My therapist used an eclectic approach with a focus on the therapeutic interpersonal relationship. So there were elements of several different modalities in my therapy, including psychodynamic, cognitive behavioral, and humanistic. His office at the time was actually less than 1 mile from where I am employed, so I had seen it on my drive in to work. I was incredibly fortunate because he was the only therapist in town and he ended up being a perfect match for me. Therapy was a healing experience for me that I still draw on, even now nearly 10 years later. I still write to him several times a year to give him updates on my progress.

I think Psychology today has a link on their website that can offer a list of therapists in your area. I wish you well in your search, CD, and I hope you find a therapist you can work with.

Take care.

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Just another point of view, CD, although not intended to dissuade you from therapy.

I've been to 12 therapists in my life, by my count, and i stopped going to therapists twelve years ago.

The best of them were well-meaning, but ineffectual.

The worst of them disclosed something i had told her in confidence, and advised my wife to divorce me.

The common thread always was, they were dismissive of the damage done by my alcoholic father, indifferent mother, and bullying high school classmates. They, like society as a whole, wanted me to "just get over it." (and come up with $50 - 100 per session.)

Only you know what your needs are, CD. Don't be afraid to state them clearly to a therapist when you start.

I think (only my opinion) that the people who get the most benefit from therapists are people whose problems are rooted, wholly or at least partially, in an inability to express themselves or a fear of expressing negative feelings.

Wishing you the best, CD.

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I have said this before, I did have one really good therapy experience but it was decades ago. The woman I saw is now in her 70s and still a major force in the new age community. I am still a loser. It is what it is. It's ok, not everyone has to be a winner.

What the hell is there to win anyway? What's the prize? A bigger house, a bigger car? A wife that hates you? Sees you as the oppressive patriarchy? America just wants men to pursue being a winner because winners pay more taxes and are too busy working to look around and see what's going on.

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Some people just take advantage because they can, or start drama. I hate most women for this reason i find that they cant help but gossip. You have to at least try to trust them, if it doesnt work out or is a bad fit walk away. If you do nothing nothing will change, you have to deccide if the risk is worth it for you.

I am bothered by the conclusion you took from my post, Inev Rel.

My bad experience didn't make me hate women (or, for that matter, therapists); so it shouldn't feed misogyny for you, either.

So one very-unprofessional person, who happened to be female, did a bad thing to me --

i didn't start hating women (excuse me, "most women") because of that.

She was just one bad person, not an emblem of her entire gender.

Most of the female therapists i went to were in that "well-meaning but ineffectual" category.

Nice women, but clueless and unempathetic (like the guys).

Don't hate on women; i'll call you out on that.

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Guest ChinaDoll

I was. But I dunno now. You dont seem like you wanna defend yourselves.

Scooch over, im done with life. Im turning to the apathetic side. No matter what I do, im hated anyway.

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I apologize for the turn this thread has taken, CD.

You asked a legitimate question, and i raised an issue that led the discussion off-topic.

I will start a new thread elsewhere.

To recap: you have the right to seek therapy;

and once you have met a therapist, you have the right to state clearly what you need,

instead of sheepishly following the therapists agenda.

That's all i meant to say. Please do go and get the help you need.

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Guest ChinaDoll

I dont know what they think. I just know what I think.

Everyday is painful struggle for life. Every day I need to fight down the demons within me. Everyday I need to convince myself that life is worth seeing. I dont know what my purpose is. Im scared of everything. Im afraid of everyone. I hate myself for falling down so hard I am not even a fraction of a mere shadow of my former self. I cant move forward. They don't understand that every time I click the send button for an application is a long struggle. There are days I can do nothing but try to distract myself so that I can lessen the hold the demons have on me so that tomorrow I will have the strength to fight for life and push that send button.it doesnt help that the teenager rebels. It doesnt help that she tries to exert her dominance and belittle me. Cant she understand that I am trying so very hard with myself? Cant she just be supportive? Im totally helpless here in the house. I feel like everything I do is criticised. Im supposed to help with the kids. I do but somehow its not enough. I clean the house so that I wont seem like a total freeloader. Apparently thats not enough either. I dunno I dunno I dunno. I even bought my own paper and supplies so that I wont be a bother. Now I cant even print applications anymore cuz they locked the door to the room where the printer is. Im tired. Im done. I dunno what they want with me. I dunno what they expect of me. Im too tired to pick myself up anymore. Im a monster anyway. This monster needs to be slain.

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I've had many days where i felt the way you're feeling, CD.

Unproductive, ineffectual, frustrated, useless, worthless. I know how that feels.

But i'm sure you have heard the proverb "feelings aren't facts."

You only feel useless; in actual fact you have years of potential.

Take that first step today. Just the first one.

Then congratulate yourself for not giving up.

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(Ok I returned this post, edited a bit. I often keep my deleted posts for a while. I too feel like a bother.)

I'm sorry ChinaDoll. It must be very hard to have to deal with such difficult emotions and to feel misunderstood.

My family doesn't understand me either. I try to email them about sensitive issues but it's hard to get a good response. Like you I've been struggling. Everything always seems to require a whole bunch of "steps" and I get tired just going up a few of them as it reminds me of the others. So I continually resort to avoidance.

I always intend to do the following:

-communication with family, email, text, letter

-writing supportive letters to self

-try to decrease perfectionism, procrastination

-regular visits to doctor, or therapist, someone to talk to

-write letters to support agencies

-use self help therapy, some of it is useful

-eating food

But I still haven't felt positive enough to do most things. All I can say is that the worst times do pass. For me things don't get suddenly get better but I just keep fighting and eventually some level of progress is inevitable and I get some momentum.

Maybe this is a bit of a rambling post. I hope you feel a bit better soon.

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