Banditgeneral4

Actually no. I'm not vey good with myself. I find my self getting frustrated with myself over simple things (forgetting where my keys, phone, etc are). I find myself stumbling over words and forgetting words. I'm not the smartest person in the world but I do have a pretty good vocabulary. But there are times I can't pull words. It's like I'm always in a fog.

Upon reading the article it does seem like me. However I've noticed in my talks with a real good friend things seem to change. She is a nurse to an elderly gentleman who is in the end stages of life. Hearing her talk about him and seeing her cry makes me feel bad and has made me shed a tear from time to time but otherwise things haven't changed.

I haven't sought out professional help. I have an aversion to professional people. I have one in the family. I have tried the music and have tried reading but I just can't focus on it.

I do share my feelings and concerns with her. She always listens, never judges, and encourages me to talk. I have been told in recent years that I have depression. I have had bouts of emotional times but this is the first time I can honestly say that I feel nothing. I have no idea what I need at this point. I have the best support system I need but nothing seems to work.

I am no 100% sure if my feelings could be a byproduct of her passing or not. I'm sure that it does play a major factor in it but honestly it seems that it started before that. In the months leading up to her death things just went south. I lost my job, my home, had been incarcerated for a period. I moved in with my best friend in the world and she has been there for me through everything. She tells me that she's here when I'm not ok anymore. I just feel that life has no seasons anymore. It's almost summer but I'm stuck in between seasons. I see the things that used to make me happy or smile (I'm happy but not "happy") and just think "meh it's funny but I can't express it". My fiance and even my in laws have been a great emotional network but nothing helps it seems.

I am 32 years old. Over the last couple years I have had my share of ups and downs. I have reached a point where it feels like I have no feelings. I honestly can't remember the last time I laughed or cried. The last time I remember just bawling my eyes out was in 2015 when I got rid of my dog. Recently my mother passed away (we were close since she raised me as a singe parent). I was not there when it happened but I remember getting the phone call. That was over a month ago and I've honestly yet to shed a tear. I did feel the sadness of the loss and still feel things whenever I see things that make me think of her. Recently I've not been able to laugh anymore. I do but it feels forced. I watch movies or shows that used to make me laugh so hard I cried. Now I see things and it's like "it's funny on a level but I can't express it". Why am I feeling like this? I have an upcoming wedding and I'm afraid this could make her think I am a robot and incapable of expressing emotion.