sensitive_woman

There's a strange problem I'm facing. I don't know if its strange but maybe it is. I had a mother in law (now ex) whom I lived with.. who would abuse me verbally all the time.. find faults, criticize me for every little thing from my dressing sense to the color of my lipstick. I had put up with all this for 4 years of my marriage and then just couldn't take it anymore and snapped at her each time she would even attempt to criticize me. My husband never supported me in any way and later became alcoholic, smoker, tobacco and I suspect drugs too! When he started abusing me physically I walked out on him but... now its over and I'm divorced and I should be happy. But I'm not. The strange problem I was talking about is this... If anyone I come across who even slightly tries to 'show' me how to do something or says they are right or I'm not doing something right, I blow my fuse. I just cant take it anymore. It reminds me of my nasty abusive ex-mother in law so I get furious and keep fuming for days together. All this is unhealthy but I don't know how to overcome it. How do I overcome this?

no.. no one. I kinda feel numb and emotionless these days. Social activities? I dont want to step out of the house at all. But I have to... to get groceries, mom's medications and so on. Mom is healing from cancer and........ I'm tired of writing this again and again. I just want to get over my ex... and move on in life. Tell me a quick way of doing it.. please

Even though its been over 2 years that I have been separated from my ex and been divorced officially for over a year now, I just cant seem to forget him. Even though I feel a lot of anger when I think of 'what could have been had things been good for us', and I don't regret leaving him or getting divorced... yet, I cant seem to move on. I have begun to dislike all men as I feel women do much more than men and are much more sensitive and sensible than men. I dont like this change in me but I just can't seem to want to move on. I cannot think of any other man in my ex husband's place. I dont want to think 'marriage' again. My friends and parents keep trying to set me up with guys but I have just begun to dislike them all! How do I move on? What can I do to forget him? Mentally I still haven't accepted my divorce even though I know its over. How do I get over him and move on with my life in a positive direction?

*sigh* If only I could put into practice, what I have written above {{{{{{{{{{ feeling so down in the dumps right now }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

And... a group hug to all of you for your thoughts and support. <<<<<<<<<<<<< HUGZ >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I don't know what to say.. I'm not feeling guilty but it is hard. You are right that I should distribute the load but somehow there is no one to distribute the load with. My brother lives in the US and visits us for 10 days and goes back to his life of wife and kids. I just got divorced and I don't have kids. Am not taking up good jobs because of her health and I genuinely and truly love her and want to be with her for any problem she may face because I dont want her to die. But I understand what you are saying.. about wasting a good part of my 30's. I really don't know what to think or do except what I'm doing currently. I want to believe that a miracle will happen by December and she will be completely cured so I can move on with my life. I cant leave her alone with dad at this stage when she needs me the most. Yes, I need to look for additional help from anyone who is available to distribute the load off me.

I guess this is the thought process of Americans... "Live For Yourself" kind of thinking. Each person would think differently as well based on their individual thinking and their upbringing. As in, if you had a parent who left you to handle your illnesses and went out to have fun in their younger days then you'd probably feel the same way when the parent falls ill. I had a neighbor in the US who was an 80 year old lady who's kids didnt bother about her because she didnt bother about them while they were growing up. Its totally understandable. I do understand your point but I don't agree with it. My parents have always been the people who have done 'anything and everything' to give me the best of everything. I'm sorry if I sounded like I was fretting over what I'm doing. I'm not. I'm only human and I get tired sometimes handling everything by myself. God is great and I'm getting the same corporate assignments to do from home now so I have a 24X7 net access on my laptop so I can finish up the work as well as look after my parents, home, hospital visits everything. I would NEVER leave them in a nursing home. There is a BIG DIFFERENCE in how a nurse would handle a patient and the personalized level of care a family member would give. What I'm saying is, the nurse may be professional and work well but the family member who cares would be needed to give her the best attention and care. I dont know this is how we Asians think. I'm sorry I dont mean to sound racist but this is the truth. Agree with everything you said about the bad marriage. By divorcing him, I have changed the situation though its not easy to handle the emotional lows of a divorce. I agree its best in the long run to get out of a bad marriage than stick around in it. But the heartbreak is something one cannot escape.

And yes, the turn of events has left me aghast. Thats why I'm asking this question whether a past life exists.

Lagrima, You do have a point there. Although we (at least "I") don't want to believe in 'past life regression', there may be something there. When enough evidence of a past life is not proved, terms like 'bipolar personalities' and such sophisticated terminology is resorted to. I don't know about past life because if its not been proved and seen by my own eyes, I wouldn't confidently believe in it. But, there could be something there. What makes you believe in a past life so strongly?

Omg!!! Where is this conversation heading? hehe I'm actually smiling reading all the replies and concluded that most (almost all except lagrima) believe that there is NO PAST LIFE REGRESSION. I believe there's no past life too but then I'm not sure why I'm facing constant problems in my life when I haven't done anything to deserve it. Darkness, I disagree with you when you say this ---- "You can't blame a "past life" for this life's mistakes. Only you can change your circumstances. you can't let people take care of things for you. if somethign is bad in your life YOU have to change it." Sometimes you cannot change your circumstances. I cannot change whats happening in my life... That's exactly why I wanted to know if there is a past life. Read my first post, you will understand what I'm saying.

Malign, Sweet Sue, Pseudome, Ralph Thank You for your thoughts Sue, even I like to keep an open mind and listen to the large majority and their thought patterns. Personally I have traveled the world and lived in the US during my student years so I like to believe that I have a more broader outlook than the average Indian here. But its just that anyone at all who meets me, says the same thing about 'Karma' so I was tempted to ask this question. I don't feel I deserved this reaction from life.. in my marriage when I had been so 'giving' all the time, now my parents health... Its just that too many stresses have happened one after the other and I just find it hard to cope up with whatever's happening. I still dont know if Karma really exists, but if it does :eek: God better tell me what to do to change it. Maybe all of you are right when you say that we ask questions to seek answers and be in control of the situation. Maybe there is no Karma at all. Most of the people out here, particularly the Hindus strongly believe in it though. I feel stumped!

Do any of you believe in past life karma? That is, actions done in the past affect you in the present life. I have never believed in this but everyone I meet these days brings up this topic. So I just wanted to know that if I face a LOT of problems in my present life, does it mean that I may have created a LOT of problems to others in my past life or lives? What can I do now to rectify it? If I face a bad marriage, an abusive husband, a divorce, a close family member with cancer whom I take care of every single day, an aging father who keeps complaining about the smallest of health problem, have to give up a booming corporate job to deal with all the stresses, regular hospital treatments every fortnight, chemo complications and rushing to hospital to treat the complications which can happen anytime on any day...................... Does it mean I was a bad person in my last life???????????? WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE MY LIFE AND MY DEAR ONES LIVES BETTER??? Was divorce the solution to a bad marriage or the reason for my parents health problems?? I'm not so sure about anything anymore and appeal to all of you for your thoughts on the same.

Lala3, He did help though even if it was over the phone. Life has been really strange! His aunt was admitted in the next room as my mom in the same hospital on the same day and I met all his relatives. So he called up to find out what was wrong with my mom. He guided me through the entire process of diagnostic procedures, the details of the procedures, surgery to follow, costing, meds everything! The treating doc is always too busy and not available to answer all patient queries. Ya maybe I idealize him knowing that he's a doc himself but he did help... which was v surprizing considering that he verbally abused my entire family while I was married to him. Guess I get emotional talking about him, though I know its over and I don't regret the decision because of all that happened. But I cant help wondering that life would have been better esp to handle my mom's illness had he been a part of my life. And mom has a benign tumor in her stomach which was safely removed BUT the growth in her colon is malignant :o Luckily its just the beginning and I'm glad I got on with her treatment with the docs immediately but all this is too stressful to handle. I dont know what more to say.... except that thanks for being there... and for listening

Thank God theres no tumor. But there are polyps, a cyst and fat stranding in her colon which needs to be removed by colonoscopy. How I miss my ex-husband badly now!!! He's an expert in these kind of procedures and when I need him the most, he's gone from my life forever. I guess its worth going to doctor and getting it done and not thinking about my ex even in times like this. But I'm only human :)

Lala *hug* Thanks for replying. Investigations still in progress. Shall get the final report today. The CEA report, stool tests and hemoglobin report are normal, thank GOD! for that. Keeping my fingers crossed for the CT Scan report which I shall get today evening. Praying that all is fine and the mass is some harmless fibroids or polyps.