PriddyBoy

Last time I logged in was month's ago. Stopped looking for replies to my post when it was obvious to me that I had to be accepted or meet the criteria of the senior folks to get any sort of a response to my post or maybe nobody gave a rats ass. Maybe I'm not sick enough or whatever the case may be but it's obvious just like many other social media outlet's you've either got to conform or reform to be acknowledged nothing new here . So I will be logging off perm.............

When I'm alone and mostly driving for the past 20 years or so I have been randomly or spontaneously just yelling out or screaming something I'm thinking about and blemishing it adding vulgarity to it . Then for a split second or two I can't even remember doing it and ask myself " Where in the hell did that just come from " For example I might be driving along and think to myself I'm gonna go buy some beef jerky ....Then bam ! out loud like I'm possessed or something my voice changes and real loud I scream " Fuck Ya I'm going to go get some fucking beef jerky ." or I may be looking at a cute woman on the side walk and I'll Yell ' Fucking ho fuck that bitch ." ........... I don't do it often maybe once or twice a month . I've been sober now for nearly 6 years and practice a lot of spirituality including mindfulness meditation . It's scary sometime I'm like what the hell just happened ? Anywhoo I was just wondering if anybody else does this or maybe it's a mild condition of something else . Thanks !

Hi I recently discovered Christianity through my own sobriety attempt's just over a decade ago. As like many I worked through the spiritual rooms of AA which ended up being a back door for my journey into Christianity and understanding of Master "J". Many years have passed now and I'm glad to say I have remained sober. My mind has cleared up through my willingness to apply my will into taking concrete actions with tangible results and lot's and lot's of practice and patience . Now that I have my mental faculties and whatever is left with me I'm going crazy wanting to learn so much just about everything including science, faith, religion, atheist, dualism, objectivism, realism, materialism , philosophy, the Universe, and on and onI think you get the gist. Life is really exciting now for me . In the beginning I spent a lot of time defending my belief's and as time continued I eventually got burnt out trying to make my point and was just letting all the beautiful things life had to offer me just pass me by as I continued to put my experience into someones box, or my box, or whatever I was feeling at the time . My faith at times has dwindled and sometimes today even I have doubts but that's part of the human experience I'm not fooling anybody trying to deny doubt especially mine so here is how I feel these days. I have discovered through my own personal experience that we all have something in common becoming happy and removing suffering . Without getting into to much detail I think you would agree that however you choose to do this it must be a transformative experience . It's not fact's or knowledge, it's not a cumulation of data, it's wisdom in the sense of something that you personally realize that changes you , not me or anybody else but you alone. This is a great criteria discovering what you want to spend your time doing in terms of especially your intellectual pursuit's you see. You can spend a lot of time learning foreign languages, or advanced mathematics and just ton's of things . However none of this in my opinion is ever going to change you especially for the better maybe even sometimes for the worst . The question is will it or is it going to transform you and your addictions into a better human . A happier, kinder, more compassionate , and if it's not than what is the point of wasting to much time doing all that stuff. If it's not going to change you and if it's not going to help you change others to become better . So maybe you should learn a foreign language so you can go to France and teach French people English catch my drift . But if it's just to learn French for French sake and sound cool at a party or something what's the point ? I've got all the wastage in my life I can handle and am very happy to say now I'm finally on my path to somewhere much better than where I was. The beginning of my own freedom has been my liberation and detachment from spending time debating or in my case pushing my beliefs onto others and doing a complete 360 and just listening to others speak about everything and anything . I no longer want to change anybody am just interested in letting people be who they are along with all the IS'IM's that come in their box. You see I have come to realize that it's not important what comes at me as it is important what comes out of me . And what comes out of me in constant energy to learn, laugh, smile, cry, feel, analyze, fear, suffer, help, and just being aware rather then being BEWARE . The chains are falling off as I embrace everything that comes at me because I realize I can't deny the truth and my path is leading me to somewhere other than this place. I'm transforming and am really digging it. I guess what I'm trying to say is find your path and start moving man . But first you got to start up the engine and get warmed up but instead your sitting idle writing and spending time on why you don't like this or that . That's cool but we know AA is not for everyone including you so find something that will transform into a better person and get to it before you miss the bus . Stop identifying with silly things that limit you as a human creature and are only temporarily limiting you and your energy from advancing into wherever you may go man . Like your social status, job, all of these labels that we put on ourselves that limit us and paralyze us from transforming . Dude it's time to transform and not reform AA and get your happiness . Good luck .

I'm sure I'm not the only one who get's these odd, or different and unique questions that seem to appear in our mind during a heightened sense of consciousness sober or under the influence . I'm sober these days and well it seems that I get them when I'm laying down in bed just getting ready to fall asleep or sometimes in a 50-50 awake asleep situation . I was wondering what some of your creative questions concerning life or the universe ran through your mind. Here are just some of mine unique or not I don't know but what the heck. 1. Is there anything slower than not moving. 2. I wonder if light is really traveling or is actually just always their along with darkness . Darkness and light just canceling each other out when one or the other is dominant. 3. A baby grows inside a mother womb then birth happens and we are free on this planet which is another womb until we pass onto another birth to just keep evolving and growing until ? 4. What is the universal measurement for size ? Is the universe big and the atom small , or is the atom medium the universe gigantic . What do physics professors use as the measuring gauge to measure size against ? 5. Looking at all the tree's and life it seems like everything living is just growing up and reaching towards the sky's including humans. The brain is moving away from the ground evolving upwards and away from the earth . Where does it think it's going ? These are just some of my strange waco or whatever you want to call it things I ponder on . Any thoughts would be cool including some of your own thoughts .

I believe in cause and effect in this lifetime for obvious reasons including what I may do can and will affect future generations. But in so far as the doctrine of re-birth and past karma afflictions and having to pay a debt to myself is harder for me to swallow. One example is practitioners of Zen and Buddhism and remember there is hundreds if not thousands of different disciplines in this area. Buddha taught there is no God. Then he told his disciples there is no self. He also told them there is no one to pray to that evil does not exist and no one to fear. He said everything is only within themselves, even though those selves do not exist. He instructed them that their good deeds have to outweigh their bad deeds to start changing re-birth future lives karma. Buddha carved into his disciples consciousness a super huge debt to repay karma again even though there is no creditor to repay or even something or someone who issued the debt in the first place ? He gave them scores of rules and rituals to live by. He told them all desires is to be cut off. He told them that they would cease to be, and, when they have paid their debt through karma, they will cease to be. How can all this bring peace through Karma ? What else is confusing is Buddha said there is an infinite number of re-birth's and karma, but he also said there is a final birth. How can a infinite number have finality ? I'm not suggesting re-birth or paying your debt to karma is not real I'm just asking some questions . Good luck

I know so many people who have PTSS and who also along with me were involved in risky behavior but not harmful as far as we knew because we blacked out or forgot or woke up somewhere else that have to problems or concerns wanting to not remember what happened thank God! Not to say you wouldn't want to but really examine your present feelings concerning the past . So may suffering humans wish they had the opppertunity to not remember what happened like you. A matter of fact a doctor in England is working on a technique for PTSS patients to forget what happened and it has promising revues but far for implementation . Anywhoo if your disease free, no physical harm, and everything is okay including your mental state before you hit the pipe again run not walk to get professional help because it's just a matter of time before you do some serious harm to yourself and the ones that love you. For some reason or another the Universe thinks your good enough to allow you to take another inhale and exhale allowing you to live another second and thats awesome . You've got to love yourself like the Universe does or whatever you believe in. Your good enough and good luck !

Awesome thread . I can dig it. I wonder all the time what I don't have the privilege of knowing especially when I'm around nature . I only have the privilege of evaluating and nourishing what I have seen thus far. Many people are open to extra -sensory perception like I believe I am . I can just stand or sit and stare at a tree for hours. I just recently meditated on tree's at my local reservoir thinking looking telling myself . " We call it a tree to give it meaning, for me it's life reaching up to the horizon as far as it can reach. That tree has done more ecologically perfectly still without moving for hundreds of years than I have for this planet. It has given itself up for food, homes to insects, homes for birds, shelter for small critters , and most important turned sun light into sugar for food to the soil and oxygen for us. All just without moving being still. " amazing . Just one of my moments . But ya I can dig your enlightenment was their many times it's a process that I am so happy to be a part of. Thanks for sharing !!!

The only part of your past that exist is in your present mind my friend. A matter of fact if you want to influence your future then think differently about your past. Change your past and a by product will be a better future. If you can't do that start meditating maybe some beginning mindfulness meditation to take some stress of . I have spent many years talking to myself, worrying, creating these 3-party strange conversations between me and people I hate especially when I got mad. I grinded my teeth. High stress bud . I also have felt insecure concerning my physical attributes. Who doesn't ? A matter of fact men who are hung well worry about hurting woman because lots of woman can't stand a huge penis. Bottom line my friend it does not matter what comes at you, what matters is what's coming outta you. And it sounds like a lot of stress is coming outta you. Invest is some serious stress reducing techniques to begin with. Start eating healthy, join a mens group, hit the gym. All the things I use to do as a by product of stress have literally vanished . It's awesome. You are a walking biological metaphysical brainiac and everything on the outside affects you especially your stress cortisol get that under control . And if size mattered so much why are so many beautiful woman bi-sexuals and lesbians ? Just saying .