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so, my mom just came in my room to wake me up, and she laid next to me awhile and our backs were touching. Not only was i annoyed but disgusted by this, i'd say to an extreme. I kept screaming "GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GO AWAY" in my head and twitching/shuffling my feet until she left.I just think it's weird because i'm ok with my friends and girlfriend touching me, why not her? I also can't stand most things she does, singing in the car, the choices she makes, ect. I also tend to snap at her and be agitated by her more than others. My mom has never done anything too bad to me but i mean, i did grow up in an unstable environment because my dad was an alcoholic/schizophrenic and sometimes i'd blame her for staying with him. But i'm over that now and don't see how that would affect me now (in this way).I do not want to be disgusted by my mother, i don't think she deserves that. (note: iv'e noticed this is more intense when i'm off my medicine, i take vyvanase, setraline and apriprazole) oh, and i just remembered i used to have this problem with my grandpa too I didn't like sleeping in the same bed or sitting in his lap or brushing shoulders or anything as a kid (and im pretty sure it only stopped because he died).Honestly i don't think i'd be comfortable with any family member touching me except for maybe a hug but if it was my partner or friend i think i'd be ok with it.

Hello,this is my first post. I have some issues and I don't have the money to go to a professional,hope someone here will help me with an opinion.I will be as brief as I can,please share your thoughts if you want to.My English isn't perfect,but I hope you will understand.Ask my anything and i will clarify it. part 1) a promising beginning I was raised only by female members of my family.When I was a kid i was very manly and agresive,but when my mother quit work all hell broke loose.She is a control freak.She screamed at me at every little stupid shit I did while she did the same mistakes.I was made stupid,an idiot,and isolated from my peers.My father was a pussy too,he didn't do nothing,he just ran away to video games(played all day) and let me to take the punishment.My mother made me feel like shit,and i had to navigate the maze.She has low intelligence and used to act only on impulse,even at that age I understood that she makes absolutely no sense...yet i had to "praise" her,her to act like she had some for of intelligence...I pretended my whole life.At the same time,with a lack of a male role model,the bullshit of feminist propaganda (be nice,be a gentleman,blablabla) slowly corrupted me.Strong and fearless,having chicks at the age of 10,being the alpha kid on the block,having a chance to loose my virginity at the age when most guys didn't have the first kiss,i had it all... part 2) that moment After a few years of pussification and conditioning,i became a looser,but I still had hope.Friends,girlfriend,and the most important thing: i started to realize there is a problem,I started reading on the internet and understanding stuff.it was a time when everything had the chance to become better.But then it happened.I was playing Warcraft 3(for those that don't know,you have to wait when loading a map) and went to get some water from the kitchen.I saw that 10 minutes earlier my mother went in,she was feeling sick all day.After that,pretending to be a good son,i knocked on the door and asked if she was okay.No answer...I did it again.Than i gently pushed the door just to seem interested in her.Than(because she didn't lock it properly with the pin) the door got loose and i saw her with a belt around her neck.I helped her but she was dying there in my arms.I called the ambulance and after a while she was out of harms way part 3) fall from grace. Then,something happened that I didn't expect.She started blaming me and my father for this.She said it to my face that i was a bad person and this happened because of my ignorance and lack of love for her.(i was 12-13 when this happened).After telling me that and hinting it to me for a while,things went back to normal,we never talked about it.She became the same bitch she was before,punishing me for everything and even hitting me.Than something changed,when i started having weird thoughts about being gay,killing her and other people in very explicit ways,pedophilia,self mutilation and more.For a few weeks the thoughts where so horrific that didn't want to close my eyes because of the images(before going to sleep).Depression kicked and I couldn't evade these though.After browsing for a while on the internet,someone finally said to me that I might be suffering from pure O OCD,or bypolar because of the mood swings i had. part 4)emptiness and then,it was nothing.I evolved by making two steps back and one forward.I got into a depression wanting to kill myself(i also cut myself a number of times)then something happened to give me hope and I felt like a GOD,like i could do anything,become anyone(because I had/have the information,only lack the will to do it).I started reading,understanding,preparing for the day everything would change.Slowly everyone in my life drifted away and i am now alone with only my " i can change the world" mentality.Hope,is the reason I don't kill myself.Because when i'm down and want it to just end it all i remember something: i'm a smart guy,i've read a lot of books and i know my path.I have ideas for a business,i have inventions,dreams,i'm a thinker and an intelligent person(my IQ is about 135)but that's worth nothing if i can't act.Every time i lie to myself "when this happens,i will start working 10 hours a day on myself and my projects,and i will succeed.But i never do,and slowly the thought of going trough this shit all my life is giving me reason to end it.My hope is slowly being diminished,and one time,when i'm depressed,i know i might do something stupid. How do i get my balls back?my dignity? my humanity? I know the problem,i know the solutions,yet something in me has to change so i become the person I know i can be.But every time that something changes,I don't...and i keep lying to myself.I'm getting tired of the "this is it!!" feeling,and to be honest it's loosing it's power to keep me going...i already wrote to much,hope someone will answer.have a nice day and thanks for reading!

My mom was committed to a state hospital 1.5 hours from me today. She is sick.. so sick but she doesn't think anything is wrong. This is the 3rd hospitalization. All 3 were involuntary commitments from a court order. I found out today her official diagnosis is schizoaffective disorder with exreme paranoia, She is increasingly going down hill and its to the point where i am considering guardianship to make choices for her. She is eligible for disability because of the diagnosis and she is hearing impaired. She just wouldnt let me apply for her.. She wants to work but is unable to find a job because of her illness. She makes crazy associations and says off the wall things that make me fear for her.. She has no friends. no money. no car. .. she has no home .. i had the police take her to the hospital last time and she just cant come back home with me.. it sounds so awful but my mom is going to be Homeless in a matter of weeks.. whenever they release her.. the state she is in has THE WORST mental health care. she goes on spending sprees at the $1 store/writes license plate #'s down, is always talking about the fbi.. talking to nobody on the phone in the earliest of hours.. its so freaking hard because she doesnt see that shes sick.. she has lost all contact with relatives.. she hates me and im her youngest daughter.. nobody else wants anything more to do with her.. they all have given up hope.. She refuses to take medication and even told me on the phone yesterday that she had to go "pretend to take a pill." but when i had her hospitalized last yr in Ohio.. they forcibly gave her medicine by court order and for a few weeks . she seemed a little better.. How can i help her see that shes sick:? seriously i need help// thanks whodey