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Showing results for tags 'obsession'.
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This might seem offensive to people with OCD although I don't want to offend anyone, sorry if I do ;-; I have a few symptoms easily associated with OCD, but I know I don't have it. I've read a lot about OCD, I have some friends who suffer from it and i've read posts from people that actually have it - What I mean is that my symptoms are not strong enough, neither in quantity, to be OCD. It doesn't interfere with my life either. What's the problem then? I feel like I want to have OCD. What?? No you don't want it - of course I don't. This is confusing me a lot. I know I DON'T want to have it. I've read enough to know I don't want, I know it's not like 'oh I'm sooo OCD because I like to have all clean and organized' and more like 'I HAVE to do this compulsion because if not this person will die and I can't help it bescause anxiety and I can't stop visualizing how I harm my loved ones but I don't want to' and I know it doesn't feel any good and that every OCD experience is different and it's not a desirable thing. I don't want anyone to tell me 'you DON'T want it' because I already know I don't want it. I just -feel- like I want it. It's a feeling, it's an obsession I guess. I often find myself researching about OCD and 'oh I have this symptoms' 'I have OCD' 'NO I don't have it.' 'But what if' And the thought of having OCD feels good, at the same time feels horrible. I don't even know why it feels good to me, but i'm terrified. Why would I want to have OCD? Why am I feeling like this? Yesterday I posted an ask on MIM Tumblr and while I was waiting for the response I started to research about the symptoms - again. I've been doing this quite a lot. I don't even have to research anymore to know most of the symptoms. The thing is that I started to feel bad, really bad. I started to feel something weird on my chest and my heart rate speeding. My respiration seemed normal but I had to breathe slowly to calm myself, I just wanted to cry and felt like I was a terrible person. I'm currently posting this here to see if someone had any experience like this, like wanting to have any other mental illness - and at the same time not. I asked a friend who has OCD, he told me he had a similar experience with other illness, so that's why I ask here. I've been feeling like this since two weeks ago, the strongest feeling yesterday. Although I've been researching about OCD and worrying about the symptoms - but knowing that's not what I've got, like from 3 months ago or more. I'm afraid to go to a therapist, I don't know if I'm more afraid about getting a diagnose or about not getting any diagnose at all. I'm really confused. I will go to a therapist, anyways, if this keeps happening for more time and I can't ignore it. I could until this last week, kinda. Thank you for reading, I always over explain myself :/ and sorry if I offended anyone. I don't mean to, i'm just scared...