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Blog Merlin

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Knowing, feeling, believing



I will start with explaining why I am writing this in English. Although probably less well constructed and seemingly utilising a less rich vocabulary, I hope this text will be valued equally as my dutch writings. I can recall writing something about form and content and professing my preference to content. What I have written so far is no explanation though. Firstly, I am writing in English because I have some english friends whom I believe would like to read something of mine. Secondly, I am writing in English because I will be living in New Zealand for a year and I believe honing my skill in this language will greatly benefit me when I am surrounded by native English speakers. Lastly, I have often said that I believe the English language to be far richer and superior to the Dutch language. I feel that to this statement I must add that this belief has been shaken severely since I have started writing in Dutch. However the past few lines I have written have strenghtened a new belief, namely that both are equally efficient at expressing oneself.

Now on to the strange subject I wish to write about today. Something about knowing, feeling and believing. I have always been very convinced that my beliefs are what create my reality. Reality as I percieve it must always go through this filter of the self. It is never objective and always influenced by my state of being, by what I know, what I feel and what I believe. Belief is what I believe most strongly affects this perception, next up is what I feel and what I know is nearly irrelevant. Yet knowledge and conviction are closely linked, one could say that knowledge is the base on which conviction is formed. I try to rid myself of both, meanwhile putting as much of my effort as I can into creating a positive reality. One where I contribute to all the lives around me in a positive, loving way. Helping where I can, supporting what I hold dear and showing compassion to those who feel misunderstood, unappreciated and unloved.

I have held to many different beliefs and ideologies. I've tried many ways of living, some for a very short period, some for years. I've been searching for that One way, that universally right way of living. That way that makes you happy, that is fulfilling, that way that inspires others to do the same. Doing what is right by yourself and therefore doing what is right by others. Lately though, I haven't been treating myself too well, yet this will all change, when the biggest treat I have ever given myself will take effect. This is my year long trip to New Zealand. A year of pureness, nature and freedom. It may sound like I have high expectations, yet all I expect is that it will be different from Belgium. Different from the life I am now living, different not only because of the different location I will be in, but also different because of what I aim to do and who I aim to be in New Zealand. A travelling writer, a friend to all, free in such a way, words cannot describe. Flying through the sky with my feet on the ground. This all sounds very mad and slightly narcissistic. I am very much aware of this, as I am also aware that I did not sleep last night and have been awake for quite some time. So some of what I am writing here, might be completely nonsensical.

However perhaps it is this joking, laughing, positive way of life, that is the One way. This lack of seriousness, this lack of knowing, this lack of conviction, that leads anyone to believe that anything is possible. That leads me to believe I can be writer. A writer that could possibly open people's eyes to the infinity of possible futures. Fear is thinking I haven't really conveyed any eye opening messages. When someone interprets my words as being eye opening and when I believe strongly enough in the eye opening nature of what I'm saying here. It will be exactly that. I do believe it can be exactly that and I am visualising this realisation as I am writing these lines and as I am rereading them. These last lines with which I conclude my first English text that I dedicate to all of you looking for that One way of living. That has already been found, you know who you are and how to live the One way.


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