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Just thinking



Today I find one of my diaries.In it I am 11 years old.I read it and now I am so :confused:I just cant explain how strange I feel.LIke I saw myself playing with my little brother.I remembered these days.They are so perfect in my mind so bright.Later I read my last diary.I felt big difference.I saw myself afraid of hurting people.I saw my world falling apart.Im mess now.Today Im between my most beautiful memories and most painful memories.Maybe because of New year.I have again this feeling of guilt.


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I'm sorry you're struggling. New Year's brings many emotions for everyone. You say you have feelings of guilt... can you explain or is it uncomfortable?

I know you've said that your family can not afford treatment for you, have you looked into programs that would help you free of charge. Maybe a school counselor could guide you in the right direction to seek help. Your parents wouldn't necessarily have to know if you explain the situation to your counselor. There are different programs out there, it's just hard to find them if you don't know exactly where to look. I hope you can find them and seek the help that you deserve. It's so unfair to have to struggle as you do and keep it locked inside you. Still no progress with getting your parents to listen to you??

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Well Im not really sure why I feel this guilt.Maybe this thoughts make me feel guilty.I just dont know.My parents are really strange somethimes.On 31December everything was fine.I felt ok too.But My little brother had toothache and I gave him pill.Later he said to me he was fine.But he told to mum about toothache too.She came in my room and asked my why I didnt tell her about toothache.I said he is ok now but she told me she saw he still had toothache.My brother came in my room and told her he is fine.But she didnt belive him.She was sure that I told him to tell her he is fine when he is not. I would never do such a thing.So my New yeas eve wasnt really happy.I was angry and have one of these awful range outbrusts.My father said to me Im crazy.So I dont have idea what to do.Maybe is a good idea to talk with some school counselor.I just have no idea how to start what to say.Or is better to wait until I go to university next year?

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There is no better time than now to get help for yourself. There are some things in life that is okay to delay, but when it comes to your physical and mental health, that's nothing to delay. You never know exactly how much damage is being done until it's too late. A high school counselor may have a better chance of getting you help for free since you are still a minor. You're happiness is a priority, it's your top priority, and should not have to take a back seat for fear of inconveniencing your parents. You are important and your health is important. Go for it, and talk to your school counselor.... be honest with the counselor and open up.... otherwise they won't know how important it is for you to seek help. I hope they can steer you in the right direction. :)

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