Antht

Due to the technically public nature of this forum and the fact that I'm currently seeing a professional, I have scrubbed most of the previous posts. My firm belief is that it is definitely OCD related. Here is another interesting article on the subject: http://www.academia.edu/4056896/Threat_Assessment_in_OCD

For once I can report something positive. After reading "thinking bad thoughts" found on this webpage http://raminader.com/ocd_resources.htm I recognized that this must be what I am experiencing without a doubt and there is no way I could realistically be a pedophile (not that I couldn't accept it, but if it's not real then I shouldn't). During my daycare time, I was able to meaningfully interact with a child that previously would cause a ridiculous reaction and moreover my actual thoughts were essentially mute and not in any way predatory or incriminating. I won't say "I'm cured!" but this is certainly a step in the right direction. My alternate theory is actually that I have been suffering from depression *at times* from not having a child and longing to raise a little girl (now obviously, whatever comes out in the end will be what I raise if I am so fortunate to have that opportunity). By juxtaposing these two, it kind of fits, but I don't know, it's just a theory. Now if I mentioned my teaching earlier in the week, you probably wouldn't say anything has improved but I like to look at the positives. If one situation can improve, so can others, in time.

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Well this was kind of weird. I spoke with a counselor over the phone and she didn't know what POCD is which I guess is not impossible or anything. But after defining it, she asked if I had acted upon it. Someone who's already done that should already know what they are (in that case, a child molester) because it's already happened. So, logically, it was a very odd thing to say. She's too expensive anyway so I'm looking elsewhere.

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