Horriblehumanbeing

She hard to get in touch with and i have when she online. other than that she is busy with family and is rarely online.

Had to go to a councler in high school and they blamed me for ever thing wrong in my life Yes i fear him to this very day Im physically safe mentally i don't feel safe I tryed to do concleling after the break up but i really didn't help much

>26 > Black Female > Lives with mom and siblings >Was in a five year relationship (engaged most throughout) with a abusive cheating dickhead who was lowkey racist and bigot >He broke it off with me two months after he threw a chair then hit me in my face > Stalked/Harrased me for Three years after the break up (recently his wife told me she wanted to kill me after she called me ugly this happen in January of this year ) > Even though its been about three going on four years i still haven fully recovered > I been having nightmares > been even more suicidal lately > Health been on a up and down yo-yo do to this >Tried reaching out to other sites like 7cups of tea and the suicide hotline BOTH HAS MADE ME EVEN MORE DEPRESSED! > Friends One moved to the south part of my state One i cant trust that well and the last has her own mental problems plus is hard to get in touch with > been dissociating feeling not real and not alive >Panic whenever i go outside longer than 20 min > Lost intrest in alot of things.

>im new >not really up to talking >Jut posting so i can post to urgent thread