Ava

Yes I make good grades and I'm on the cross country and track teams but I'm not very good at making friends it's kindof a family thing. Neither of my parents have many friends so I don't feel like I have adequate social skills to make and keep friends. I'm usually really nice to people I'm just kindof awkward is the problem.

Your correct I have a VERY VERY strong sex drive. Stronger than most teenage boys my age. I also have PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) which causes me to have more testosterone than I should have so I feel like that maybe why my sex drive is so strong. But I don't know for sure.

I think you may be on to something with the "using it as a coping mechanism" thing because for about 2-3 years now I've had moderate to severe clinical depression (I've been diagnosed by a psychiatrist and I see a counselor weekly) and really I'm a lonely person too. I only have about 4 friends and I hate school. My boyfriend of 1 1/2 years moved away recently and I miss him a lot. And most of my friends don't go to my school.

Hello, I don't know if anyone is seeing this but if so please help me. I'm a 14 year old girl from America and I masturbate about 2-4 times a day on average, watch porn, and am an overall horny person. It's basically constant like I just cannot get over the horniness. I have no memory (even a repressed one) of being molested, raped, or touched at all. Yet I feel so sexually messed up. I started masturbating when I was 4 (I didn't know what I was doing) when I was in preschool me and this other girl would sneak off to the bathroom and touch each other. I now find it really weird and perverted even though I didn't know what I was doing. My parents had to be notified about it once the teachers found out and I pretend like I don't remember it but I definitely do. It's become increasingly worse over the years too. I used to just masturbate regularly but in the year or two I've been doing it to porn. I started out on Instagram with "tame stuff" like dick pics, booty pics, etc. then it just got increasingly worse. One day I was in the bathroom doing it and I came across actual child porn. It was an adult man having sex with a child. I was repulsed yet I couldn't help but be aroused. I quickly masturbated to it to relieve myself and then reported it over and over again to make myself feel better. I still feel ashamed and like an awful pervert for even stumbling across it. I've never seen anything like that ever again thank god but I still get the yearning for more "heavy stuff" like it. I've started watching porn on Pornhub for their large selection. I find myself searching up things like "Forceful gangbang", "Kidnapping", "Real virgins", etc. but it takes me a while to get off on those. What really brought me to realize how disgusting I am is when the other day I was watching a documentary about the youngest sex offenders in America and one of them, Garrett I think is his name...raped his sister multiple times over the course of 4 years. I tried to stop myself but I couldn't and I masturbated, like always I felt the shame and disgust wash over me. It should I mean that is absolutely disgusting why would I do that??? I don't know but the fantasies don't stop there. I have constant fantasies about the worse stuff and I just hate myself for it. I feel like a disgusting pervert even thought I'm a girl and I would NEVER do any of the stuff I fantasize about. I'm also a virgin so I've never had any actual experience so I literally have no idea why I'm so messed up. If you can please help me understand why I'm like this.