Electrum

Can't sleep again. I just took some of the tests here on this website. Said I'm severely depressed, extremely angry, mildly manic, and mild ADD. Which is interesting considering I'm a bit of a skeptic of ADD. My last therapist actually wanted to test me for ADD before I stopped seeing him. I didn't understand why but maybe I do come off as being ADD to people. I never thought of it as a problem since I was able to maintain a 4.0 in school fine (until a drug binge one semester ) So since I can concentrate on things that interest me just fine I figure it's just not a problem. But whatever. I think I'm going to be leaving here soon. Here as in the place I'm staying, at my ex's. I guess I did tell him that I wanted to work things out when I first stayed here and I either honestly did for a moment or I just flat out lied, I don't remember. I'm always so confused about everything I wouldn't doubt either scenerio. I geuss I'm going to go try and lay down. Night, I hope!

I wasn't sure where else to post this, but I've always had doctors tell me this is a type of OCD so I posted it here. If it doesn't quite fit here do to the nature of the obsession then feel free to move it where it's appropriate. For almost as long as I can remember I've always had an obsession. My obsession will change every few years. One has made it almost a decade but I go thru others. My recent obsession I've already mentioned in other posts a couple times but it's kinda embarrassing. I've obsessed over celebrities before and it usually lasts a year or more. Ok laugh all you want but I'm obsessed with Dave Mustaine. I HAVE to listen to his music. I HAVE to see pictures of him on a regular basis otherwise I get anxious. Sometimes I would just stare at picture of him for hours. Maybe even all day. I would be multitasking, usually having pics on my desktop or browser but while doing things I would just stare and stare. So much my mom even noticed eventually and got worried. I remember she said, "it's like you're living in a different world," or something unsettling. I feel like it's the only reason I live. He's coming out with an autobiography in August and also a concert is coming then and it's like I feel like that's truly the only reason I feel like living. I mean, sure, I love my daughters but the normal motherly survival instinct isn't as strong as it usually is. (At least it doesn't feel that way, maybe it is but I'm so depressed I just don't know it at the moment.) I mentioned this to a therapist once. I asked her, almost begged her, WHY am I so obsessed!? She told me that if she knew that she'd be rich. They just don't know much about obsessions yet. Is that true? Anyone else get the obsessive part of OCD pretty bad? I know most people get rituals but I more-so just get straight up obsession. I feel like I can't get that close to anyone who doesn't really like this band. I've tried writing the lead singer myself and never got a response of course, which really depressed me. I can understand my letter was probably creepy because I went into detail about my mental problems at the time but it was thanking him for helping me get through them. So yeah, I didn't like obsessively write him but I have thought about periodically writing just hoping to eventually get a response. I spend a lot of time thinking about them, listening, or visualizing the band in my head. I would be lost if they didn't exist. It's almost like I just replace my identity with this obsession. I write here like I want help but I wouldn't have it any other way. I just wouldn't mind hearing other peoples' experiences with obsessions. I feel like I would have the potential to be one of those crazy celebrity stalkers if I went too far into a mania or psychosis. I've certainly daydreamed it. I would never dream of hurting him but just follow him everywhere, which is undoubtedly creepy but I would have the time of my life if I could physically see him even from a distance every few days. Yes, I'm the creepy psychotic fan lmao

Plenty of people fall for things like, "OMG your computer has spyware download this NOW to save its life OMG!" And I'm guessing a 12 yr/o that doesn't understand to delete browser history to hide his porn might even fall for something like that. That's why I mentioned it, anyway. Seems like a possibility in this case.

Just a funny thing about me- I actually got banned from one of these mood tracking sites!!! haha. There was a forum, and yeah, it was bad. It's been awhile, though, so I don't even remember which site it was.

I think someone else mentioned this, but his computer might have something called "parental controls," that you could use. I'm not exactly sure how to use them myself since my children are still too young to use the computer, but I'm sure it could definitely help your situation. I'm with the others on this one; any porn is NOT good. I mean, I don't think it's going to do anything extreme like turn him into a sexual deviant or something horrible like that. It's relatively normal for a kid to explore like that, but even on the practical side like someone else mentioned- his computer could be hacked or worse case scenerio if he went into any kind of chat there could be predators. Just curious- what if he is gay? Do you consider that a mental illness or deviant? (Since we are on a mental health forum I'm just wondering.) For what it's worth I seriously doubt a 12 year old would fully know their sexual orientation and it is normal to be curious. Especially nowadays when it's for the most part more accepted, at least in the media. But I guess I could be wrong about that, that's just my intuition on the matter. Regardless, best of luck to you. And if you need help figuring out the parental controls let me know. I could fiddle with mine and see if I could help.