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Showing results for tags 'agoraphobia'.
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Hey guys! My name is Harlo and I'm searching for serious advice. I'm 20 years old and suffer from..well..everything. Severe panic disorder, anxiety, depression, agoraphobia, social phobia, fears, intrusive thoughts, OCD, and probably much much more. I have been dealing with this for almost 5 years now and for the past 2 months now, I have been at my worst. I had such a horrible childhood. Both of my parents were and are alcoholics, my brother was and is a drug addict. I've always been the only sane one in the family.. no addictions and had full control of my life. I think that's what made me INsane ha. I found my brother overdosed on heroine 4 years ago which was my breaking point. He survived..thankfully. but it was devastating at 16 years old. Growing up and still to this day I constantly hear fighting and yelling and screaming between my mother, father, and brother. My parents just recently filed for divorced a year ago. I now live with my mother and brother. My father lives at my old house. Anyway, when I started getting panic attacks I was a senior in high school. I had to drop out of cheerleading, dance, and every other activity. I couldn't got to school. I've been through it all.. hospitals, inpatient hospitals, western psychiatric partial hospitalization, therapists, psychiatrists, medication, group therapy, etc. I lost everything.. fortunately I was able to graduate. For college, I have to do online because I can't actually go to college. I can't work. I basically cant function. I can't sleep at night and I basically sleep my days away. It's like is rather sleep than feel all of these feelings. I'm scared of everything. I'm scared of my panic attacks, going far, going anywhere actually, being alone, all of my symptoms, my thoughts, everything. My mother and father were there through it all (surprisingly) so therefore, I can't be without one or the other. I'm 20 years old and I'm like a 2 year old baby. They literally have to babysit me. It's pathetic. I don't know what to do anymore.. I don't know who to turn to for help. Look, the thing is.. I'm sooo dependant on my family...like I'd literally go crazy if i didn't have them around.. they're all I got. But.. at the same time.. they're making it worse by the stress they put on me with everything. What do I do? Where do i even start? I'm lost. Nothing is helping... Can someone please try to help me figure something out...
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My daughter-in-law passed away on July 7th. Although I had spoken with her recently as she was dealing with health issues, I did not know the extent of her illness. She was slowly dying - her liver gave out on her and she would not/could not leave her home. She refused to seek medical attention, yet was trying by using vitamins. I would look up things on the internet and she and my son were doing so as well. My son is suffering terribly as is her son; if only I had... As her liver gave out; an autopsy was not deemed necessary, so it will not be known if she had cancer or cirrhosis; but her fears were so very strong. As I piece together the sadness, she started drinking heavily when her father died and it progressed. She had gained weight and wanted not one to see her this way. She would not leave the house...and yet, when we spoke on the phone I could not detect a sign of these things. She would tell me she was "anal" and would send me articles on-line regarding recalls and issues for me to be aware of, but I did not have an inkling. At the same time, my son would not/could not share these things with me. When I wanted to visit(they lived quite far away) she would say the workload was heavy or they were moving house or something else, and if I asked my son a question - I knew he was speaking carefully as she was listening to him. I respected their relationship and their decisions as on a few occasions I said something that made her angry and I would not hear from either of them for quite a while. I learned to let go and accept the times when we could be in communication. Now my son is grieving and beating himself up for not forcing her to do something differently. I realize he must go through his journey and feel all he must feel(I lived with my youngest brothers mental illness until he shot himself in 2004) but I did remind him he could not force her to go for help and had he done so, the one person she trusted and turned to would not be available to her and she would be all alone. I apologize for this very long post. Thank you