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Smallbeans

How is everyone doing?

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I had a job, lost a job. Went from happy with no money to miserable with money to no money and happier. But I managed to get a few things done, like the passports which had been on my to do list for a decade and bought the Christmas presents. All in all it wasn't the worst thing, but that's with the benefit of hind leg. 

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@YOTH sorry to hear that man. At least you got the Christmas presents done. This time of year that's the most important thing haha. Hopefully you can enjoy the holidays and find something in the new year. 

@Helpless_loner I know what you mean with trying to deal with the rest of life's problems as well as Sps. Never mind religion. Causes more problems than it's worth 

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I am doing alright. Not great but not bad. Most of the time I am occupied with work or charity-related activities so I don't have time to think about the loneliness. The other week I saw a girl I thought was really cute working a booth at the mall. I thought about what it would be like to be with her but before I knew it some suave-looking confident guy walked right up to her and next thing I knew I'm walking back to the parking lot. Other than that my life isn't too bad and I can't complain.

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Exhausted. Unsatisfied with my marriage and i know my wife is too. I want to open up to her about how i've been struggling with sps and compulsive sexual behavior online, but i'm afraid i could be out in my ass for the latter. So i double down my secrecy. I'm sick of hiding and lying, but she has too much bs to deal with as it is. So do i, it's just that my main coping mechanism just creates more of a mess.

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It's been a rollercoaster of a few months for me. I had a very deep and distinct down period in October and parts of November but I have been better the past 3 weeks or so. I think my improvement is mainly due to my life normalizing plus I have traveled on "fun" trips the past 2 weeks so my time has been preoccupied with other things than SPS.

I'm sitting in an airport now getting ready to return home so we'll see if this "up" continues or if I fall again in the coming weeks as things slow down.

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On 12/7/2017 at 4:55 AM, Smallbeans said:

@Someday maybe next time your in the mall see if she is still there and try chatting to her. I know it's a lot easier to say than to do. 

What kind of charity work do you do? Good on you man 

I do a lot of volunteer work with the homeless and at-risk youth. I like helping people and it keeps me busy.

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@lostboy1 I hope your "up" continues also man. My life is like that. Some days I wake up and think all is good and by the time lunchtime hits I'm back in my funk. 

Where were your trips too mate? 

I think they say that travelling is the only thing that costs money but makes you richer. 

Something like that anyway 

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Hi @Smallbeans, I was in South Dakota a couple of weeks ago and this last week I was in the hill country of Texas. Both trips were "work" related but they were more about team building and treating customers to various outings. It was almost like a vacation but without the family and with people in which I work. Lot's of outdoor activities and I love being out in nature.

On a not so "high" of a note, I did have a triggering type moment when I was in the hill country. Our host has a son who wrestles in 6th grade so we all went to watch a wrestling match at this little high school in rural Texas. It had boys from 6th grade through 12th wrestling and I have never seen a high school wrestling match before so I was shocked that they wore these super tight spandex shorts and apparently they do not wear cups in wrestling. I want to say, for the record, that I am not sexually attracted to children but I could not help but noticing that you could see their penis' plain as day in those clothes. It was almost vulgar to be honest how much detail could be seen (I could never wear anything like that in public).

Anyway, seeing that every one of those boys was bigger than me (6th graders included) and some appeared to be much bigger really made me feel bad. Fortunately it was a short lived event but apparently I am still not over it because here I am discussing it.

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@lostboy1 I would love a job where I could do that kind of thing. I also love outdoor and nature. Love nothing more than walking through or just chilling surrounded by trees with the sounds of birds all around. Pure perfection. I was recently on holiday in Florida and spent a day in a national park. It was hands down one of my favourite days of my life. 

The best thing to do with problems is to talk them out. Sometimes I sit down with my wife and even though my problems sound really stupid to me it always makes me feel better. ever since I've discovered this website I feel like my problems have been halfed as there is so many amazing people on here who go out their way to helps strangers. 

 

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