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New Glasses!


malign

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Okay, that's not really a blog topic, but it does explain my new profile pic. Less glare off my lenses allows me to look straight at the camera, so that my dome isn't quite so visible ... Anyway, this is me; hello. :-)

My actual topic is the meeting with my wife on Saturday. It only lasted about three hours, but it left me so irritated that I'm still processing through it.

It bothers me a great deal that I don't seem to be able to get through a meeting with her without getting so angry that I storm away. The way I see it, if I were able to be properly assertive, I would be setting my boundaries, and if she refused to honor them, I could leave with dignity, without having to lose my temper, first.

But something gets me tangled up in what she says, to the point where I'm hurt before I even realize what is happening. The opportunity to set boundaries never arises. I find myself pushing down anger without a clear perception of where it came from. If I don't even know what's wrong, I don't know how to assert myself; I don't know what boundary to request if I don't know which one got crossed.

It makes me feel as if I haven't really learned much during this marriage. I'm just as manipulable as I was when we started.

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I'm sorry malign.

That is really sucky she does that to you :)

Wish I had some advice, but maybe the bright side is once this is over you don't have to deal with her anymore?

I'm just sorry she hurts you :)

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Well, I have read a book, one of the 2-3 greatest I have ever read (and I have read a LOT of that kind) with a title something like "Move your own threads".

It is so well written that since I started reading it I realized how many ways people use to make you a victim (that's a whole sience!!!) and how foolish I was not to realize them. Of course I had a great deal of suspicion. It's when your stomach tells you you have to start running away.

So after reading this book I told myself to try something, till I learn to recognize the victimizing ways of the others: when my stomach gives me the signs, not to talk. Just stop, give myself time to think and try to realize "which victimizing way the other person is using right now". Then, I will know what to do, how to respond, or if I want to respond etc etc.

Of course, as every science, I will need practice and who knows if I'll manage to be perfect someday. But I'll get better than I am now gradually. And I prefer lose some period of my life for practice, than leave others move my threads the rest of it. ...And my mood, and my temper, and my health...

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