Feel like suicidal impulses are just something I am going to have to live with. My worry is that one day they are going to find me in a moment of weakness and access to a reliable means and that will be that. Well, if you can't beat 'em...

See pdoc again on Thursday but I already know what she is going to do- throw another damn mood stabilizer at me because this is all she f-ing does. FFS you could pay a damn intern $12/hr to just go down a list and write scripts so why is this costing me $150 a month again?

Starting to think this is all just a big scam. Why make the patient better when keeping him sick retains a highly paying customer? 'Course you can't talk like that to doctors. They didn't go to school for 12 years to be called glorified pill pushers even if that is in fact ALL they are.

In a truly free market I would find a new pdoc but that makes me look like I am dr shopping to the insurance co. which gives them one more reason to deny a claim. And the initial consult costs $300 so there is a pretty steep switching cost going on there.