Much of today has been spent -- (or rather, in active voice)
I have spent much of today feeling down again, not just dreaming of chucking it all and running away but pretty much believing that that was the only way things would work out.
Yesterday, the hearing about the protective order ended without resolution, and mostly because I gave in to something she requested. The short story is that the preliminary order is "continued" for another couple of weeks while we file for divorce, so that she feels protected, that I won't come and bother her in the interim.
Anyway, that and a bunch of other legal things have really got me down, even though I did go see a bunch of apartments, and may even have found one. It's bad enough that I was just wondering:
What if she's right, and I am a danger?
And the answer is: Like hell she's right! Even if I can't take it, and end up folding or running away or whatever, none of that will ever make her right.
Just a reminder to myself, and to anyone else on here whose "loved ones" might be telling them shit they shouldn't believe.