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The golden rule



Treat others the way you would like to be treated- The Golden Rule. This has been enstilled in my brain since i was a child and unfortunately i feel trapped by it. I treat people exactly how i want them specifically to treat me and am continuously disappointed. I need a specific amount of love and attention from my significant and he cant seem to provide that. I think ill push him away but i cant control myself. Im a naturally loving person. I lost all my friends when i moved, since it more more of a taking relationship on there part, and i have nothing to offer, its for the better and not surprising. I feel like im obsessing sometimes, its disgusting.

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Hi EL. We haven't met yet, but I don't usually let that stop me. :-)

The thing about the Golden Rule is, it's not meant as a means to ensure the happiness of the person who practices it. It doesn't say "Do unto others and they'll be sure to do the same back." It's not a way of forcing other people to act well; we can't force other people, for good or ill.

So what do we do if we're living by the Rule and not getting what we want? One thought is to try doing unto ourselves as we would hope others treat themselves. For instance, you would hope they would give themselves a break, sometimes. That ought to give you permission to give yourself a break, too.

Or you could try turning the Rule around a different way: if someone you cared about felt that you were taking too much from them, would you hope that they could tell you, so that you could stop?

So possibly the Rule wants us to stand up for ourselves, as well as give. After all, it says "do unto" rather than "give unto". Some of the doing could be asking for your needs to be met, too.

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