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Screw People


AmericanPsycho

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I'm NOT joking one fucking bit. Doesn't do any fucking good being friends with anybody. I fucking despise people that say they're friends when they're really fucking not. It's time to stop trying fucking shit that doesn't fucking work. I guess I just wasn't fucking raised to fit in with people. Maybe it's fucking time to go back to the fucking way I was as a child. Fucking cold and sadistic. Brutalizing people for the shear joy of it.

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AP,

You know I know where you’re coming from on this. And I also know that you’re writing it here and you haven’t acted it out yet. So good for you!!

Can you tell us some more about what it is going on in your life in general? Maybe just some daily stuff.

Sorry, maybe, but I’m curious about you. Are you in a day program or just see a case manager once a week or so? What do you do when you’re not in treatment?

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I sit around and rot. That's why when I see the Nurse Practitioner later today I have her put me on the absolute strongest meds possible. This way I just sit around and drool everyday.

Not in a day program. I see my Case Manager and Therapist about once a month. I play with my guns a few times a week.

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Well, maybe I’ve got this wrong but it sounds like you’ve gotten things pretty much under control so you don’t hurt other people. (At a great cost to yourself but priorities are priorities.) And you can express where you’re coming from in words.

Personally, I think you need therapy more than once a month. Or something. Is there anything else you could take advantage of where you live?

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I don’t want to speak out of line but you are pretty direct, too. And it wouldn’t bother me particularly if you said “Screw you” to me. I might stay away from posting on your blog, because that would indicate even to my personality disordered mind that you didn’t like what I had to say.

Given that, I wish you could advocate on your own behalf somehow? On a thread in the forum I think you mentioned that you had BPD? PD’s are serious stuff, and for us, not just the people who think we are hard to get along with. So, harking back to my OCPD and co-dependency skills I looked up the Bowen Center website. It says they specialize in brief outpatient counseling. BUT it also said.

“While brief therapy is all that is needed in most cases, longer term treatment is available when appropriate.”

It took me 10 years to get effective treatment. I had to scarily advocate on my own behalf because there was nobody else to do it. Treatments failed – well, that was my “fault”, of course.

I'm feeling better now and that's a wonderful thing. Until it happened I couldn't be sure it ever would. It's worth pushing for.

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Of course there is because I'm not a Jock, Prep, or Yuppie. Even when I'm gone I'll still live forever. I'll make damn sure people will remember my face and name. Jocks, Preps, and Yuppies come and go. When they're gone they'll be forgotten. On the other hand I am forever.

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