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Bloggage relieves Blockage


malign

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Okay, it's way past time that I update this sucker.

Spent some time negotiating with my wife over the weekend about how we might settle the financial issues between us. The idea we came up with was for her to take the house, assume the mortgage, and take the risks and benefits of whether she can make a profit by selling it. She had done some preliminary research that made her think that she could assume the mortgage given some limited financial support from me.

She wrote to me just now, saying that in fact, it would take a commitment of three years of support for her to get the loan. Plus, a ton of money down, and other things that make it just plain impossible. So, it appears that she'll need to get a job (duh). But it puts all our discussions back into limbo, because we don't know if she'll be able to get a loan.

She wonders why this process is so depressing for me. Maybe it's the fact that no matter what we end up agreeing to, it doesn't make any difference.

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I like the title!

Wow, ya, maybe she should get a job?!!! Jeez. Sorry don't mean to be harsh but, hey!

Isn't her kid older now?

From here it just looks like she's taking advantage of you... Hopefully I am wrong.

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Cooouuuullld beeee. :-)

Her son's just finished his sophomore year in college. She has some money from property she inherited from her mother, and such. And she has complained of various ailments, from chronic fatigue to Lyme to lupus. All while still being able to do whatever she really wants.

The amusing thing is that she has a Master's in Computer Science; I have a B.S. in Biology. She just hasn't used it in over five years.

But the only solution I can see is for her to get a job.

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huh-huh.

Sorry, but I lived with a guy who worked 4 months a year for 6 years, and took advantage of me, and my 'money', not that I had a lot in any way! So this triggers me a bit. He also got money from an inheritance from is grandma. Meanwhile, he liked to complain that the work I did was unethical, and justified his own laziness by saying he didn't want to take on ANY work that was unethical [he worked as a cushy government job, as a park ranger, I was a graphic designer, not that I was designing ads to make babies start smoking or anything!!]. He complained that I wasn't as fit as when he met me, he complained that why should he grab the groceries? after all it was on my way from home, wasn't it? Well, he complained a lot :)

And lost my respect as a man.

This sounds harsh, of course, but, in my issue with dependency, I too was unable, for a long time to ask for what I needed. When I finally did, I met a "NO", and excuses, and complains back on 'my attitude': if you weren't so bitchy and would actually talk, maybe I would feel inclined to do this gladly for you'. Huh-huh. mmmmmmmmmaaybe.

But, he is still a great guy. Very kind. Smart. all that. But we screwed up. I screwed up. heck.

He admitted his faults a year and a half ago. how stubborn and complaisant he had been. tried to get me back for about 6 months. but my heart was not into it anymore. Now we are still friends. Ironically, 1 year after we split, he got a year round job.

too late buddy.

Ya, she should get a job. :)

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I do see how I might be able to appreciate my wife's good points if I didn't have to live with the bad ones.

Perhaps that's the true meaning of breaking up; realizing that what you're looking for is someone whose bad points you don't mind living with.

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Well I just hope that it works out for you Malign, that you don't get screwed over in the process, you know by giving too much. She should get a job, you know, support herself, I just hope she doesn't take advantage of you.

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"I do see how I might be able to appreciate my wife's good points if I didn't have to live with the bad ones.

Perhaps that's the true meaning of breaking up; realizing that what you're looking for is someone whose bad points you don't mind living with."

Yep, I think this is exactly right. for me I guess it was a case of evolution of what I was, and what I came to realise I wanted after a while. I just wasn't aware of my needs or disregarded them for a long while.

I hope you don't think or are saying that I am sort of a bitch for saying what I said about my ex. ? Sometimes I still get bouts of regret about my decision of leaving. About the fact that I didn't express myself directly right of the bat. I just caught myself thinking 'oh jeez, maybe Malign thinks less of me :('

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Nope, it was entirely directed at me.

We all have to decide what we can live with, and what we can't. And it isn't always immediately obvious.

Nah, I'm tactful, but I don't think even I could call someone a bitch without her noticing. ;-) And I'm really not prone to either that level of judgment or that kind of language.

What's really funny is that there seems to be a lot of people worrying what I think of them, recently. Especially since they're all people I think highly of ... Maybe I'm writing grumpy, somehow, but I don't mean to.

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