Divided
Yet again, I'm glad I'm not a house, because according to Lincoln, "A house divided against itself cannot stand." And yet, I can still get up and reach the bathroom ...
I have all these goals, and they're all reachable. Get up at a regular time. Get some exercise in the morning. Do something productive (and work-related) when I'm at work. Try to do at least a little bit from my To-do list each day.
But every day, I find a way not to do any of that. I give myself permission to sleep late in the morning. For that matter, I repeatedly keep myself awake the night before. If I do have time to do anything for myself in the morning, I deliberately squander it by lying down again or in some other way. At work, I convince myself it's all stupid and spend all my time online. I haven't even written my To-do list ...
What seems clear to me is that I have at least two parts, both equally "valid" in some sense, just because they're both part of me. It's sooo tempting to believe that the first part, that has all the tangible goals and doesn't mind putting me on an austerity regimen to get them, is the "good" part, and whatever is holding me back is the "bad" part.
But there has to be a reason for that second part, and it has to be a reason that seems valid to me, otherwise it would never be expressed. Clearly, the second part has a hard time articulating its needs (or I have a hard time hearing what he's saying), or he wouldn't need to resort to the tricks he uses. So I guess what I need to do is to find out what he wants.
What's missing from all the grandiose plans? What am I defending myself against, by putting so many obstacles in my own way? Most importantly, how do I get the two to play nicely together, if that's even possible?
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