The Taste of my anguish!! part 2

[Karl13]

Another thing that starts are arguments is she like to accuse me of having a girlfriend that she doesn't know about or accuses the new girl at work flirting with me or me flirting with her but I barely talk to her unless she has a question for me about products that we produce for advertising. I have asked her not to accuse me of cheating or I accuse her of just trying to start a fight. She responds with I was only joking but you must have a guilty conscience about something so what are you doing wrong. NO I DON'T HAVE A GUILTY CONSCIENCE, I DON'T LIKE BEING ACCUSED OF THINGS I DIDN'T DO!!! You can ask my mother when I was younger I used to get accused of things all the time after my sisters moved out and one time I got so mad I actually pushed her and she fell while we were outside in a field of people on the fourth of July waiting for fireworks and I totally feel bad for doing it. If people just leave me alone I am a nice happy person just don't interfere with my surrounding. She won't let me go anywhere for more than a few minutes by myself so if I have to go some where and pay a bill or go to the store she tries to send her daughter with me. I went to a contest for her while she had to work to win a ford fusion the night of one of our fights. She called as often as she could just to make sure I wasn't doing something wrong. When I got there luckily I sat at a table with two older couples because she had to ask that too. And when I got done there she wanted me to pick up her daughter from the babysitters and go to our friend's apartment so that way she could tell my wife what time I got home. Our friend told me that while I was over for a football game and my wife had gone home for a little bit.

I guess my biggest ordeal is that she can wake up in a good mood and after a while or so it just comes out of no where with accusing me of have a girlfriend or putting me down with retard, nerd, or geek or in an argument she likes to attack my manly hood by saying its small or I can't make her happy. But I haven't had complaints in the past but for some reason I think its is that how she gets in my head is why I have trouble performing cause she even went as far as calling my ex-girlfriend because she was mad at me and thought I was cheating, and said something about I cant last in bed, but my ex was surprised because I used to be able to reach 1-2 hours with her. But with my wife she is so demanding at times and thinks she can control me (that's what it feels like) I think I have all her badgering stuck in the back of my head I just can't do it anymore. Then if there is a time I am starting to build up stamina again she will orgasm then have a leg spasm and that blows every out of working on my problem with her. She even got a book off of our pastor that had a section for exercises to help build stamina. She got on me every day to read it and I finally did but after I did there was an exercise for the two people to work on and when I asked her to go work on it she just sat there and said she didn't want to. So if you don't want to give me the support to help satisfy you in bed then I will just keep doing what I do and she suffers. Well I have been in a happy mood for a couple of days and it's like she has been reading what I am writing and trying to actually make me happy. One day she had sex with me twice. Another day she did the dishes and cleaned the apartment before I got home. Either she is trying to be a better person or there is something going on that she either wants or something she did that she is about to tell me. My last relationship ended in a steak dinner. I took my last bite of my dinner and she said "We need to talk", and just then I knew something was up. But first let me go back a few steps. My ex girlfriend wasn't working she had applied for medical disability due to endometriosis, fibromialgia, myofacial pain syndrome, and a couple others that went with it too. I was working 75 to 80 hrs a week between two jobs to keep bills paid and food and such. She finally won disability 2 yrs after filing and received a nice settlement. She paid off a credit card that I had used to get her medication then she used what she had to get herself a little Chevy Blazer. As she received her monthly payment she started shopping more and more not realizing that we needed the money to pay bills because I wasn't working two jobs anymore. But it never registered to her like that. She had also started going to her grandmothers a lot. I mean a lot because she would be down there for three to four days a week spending the night and I would barely see her. Then I started to notice that her clothes were disappearing from the closet not to mention more of her things around the apartment were disappearing too. So to me it seemed that she was starting to move out little by little. After a while she was gone so much that I started talking to other females and found another ex that was working at a used car dealership and went over one night and had a few beers. Then guess what, yes I ended up having sex with her, or attempting to. I felt a big knot in my stomach and couldn't get it up. I know that wasn't right but the wonders of alcohol you loose your sense of responsibility. And now it comes back to the steak dinner. The very next day after I had sex with my ex, my girlfriend, at the time, had come home. She wanted to talk about how someone called her today saying that I went out and slept with her last night while she was gone and I played dumb like I didn't know what was going on. Maybe I should actually tell her what happened and why so that way maybe she can see why I did what I did. I already heard her half unless that is just what she wanted my wife to hear when she called her. Yeah, my ex called my wife and talked for a while. And my wife doesn't know how to talk softly let alone we were at my daughter's softball game and she had on her speaker phone letting everyone sitting around us hear every word. But yet if I bring up something she does wrong in front of her friends she wants to yell at me for bringing it up in front of them, but she will sit there and let all the other parents listen to the lies my ex wants to tell her about me. Or she will bring things up about me in front of other people. You want respect show respect!

Edited February 5, 2009 by Karl13