I treat her not like a best friend, but a rival

[anne33333]

I feel better when I see her weaknesses. It's absolutely awful. I don't know why I am doing this, and only just realized that I do this. Why? It makes me so unhappy.

When she does things that I want to do, especially when she doesn't invite me, I feel threatened. I feel mad. Like they are MY activities and MY passions, and I don't want her to share them, because they are where I can have my own identity, rather than one that exists in relation to hers.

It's an issue of security and humility. I feel insecure around her. I worry that my ideas will sound stupid. I feel that she sees me as melodramatic and dumb. I feel that she can see through me. It's about humility because clearly I am defensive of my ego, my identity, and want to be "better" than her. She is my rival, and I want to feel more successful.

It's to the point where I don't enjoy spending time with her, and feel angry every time someone says something nice about her. Maybe it's about jealousy too.

I need to let this go, and move on, and ideally enjoy her presence as a person with whom I have a lot in common, but it's a struggle and has been for a year. I have been much happier when I have been away from her.

Help! Any advice would be welcome. I don't want to feel this way.

[Karl13]

Have you tried to talk to her about your feelings for her? Maybe if you tell her how you feel she just might actually be willing to work with you or maybe become close friends? You never know there might be something about you that threatens her and if you make the first move to face the issue she may respect you for approaching her about it. These are my feelings on this hope everything works out for you.