Stuck in the Past - Trying to Move Forward

[movingforward]

Hi everyone,

I'm 28 and was bullied when I was in 6th to 10th grade. During that time, I didn't really talk about it and always hid my problems because it seemed so shameful. I was called stupid and people said I smelled and treated me like I was a disease. I pretty much carried that through, throughout my life being paranoid about what other people say and watching my back. I ended up traveling abroad and came back in 2006. I came back to live at home with my parents and seem to be reliving everything and not happy. I finally got the courage to move out to another town however it's not too far away from where I grew up. I am currently seeing a psychologist and working on my negative thoughts. How can I expedite the process and really move forward and not be stuck in the past? I'm wondering also if anyone has any similar experiences.

Moving

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Moving,

Well, there are lots of self help techniques and we have some of them here under our self help book and you can find it on the mentalhelp site.

How does the bullying from the past affect you until this day? Could you explain in more detail?

Allan

[Mark]

Moving,

I wrote an essay about the long term effects of bullying which you ought to take a look at if you haven't seen it already, not so much because my words are so brilliant as because many people who are living with the aftereffects of having been bullied have contributed comments which are very moving and educational.

The idea of context is important. you've noted that things are worse since you returned home. This is probably because in the place where you were bullied, you feel more like the bullied child you once were. So it can be very useful to go somewhere where you are not known; have no history and then reinvent yourself. Hard to do, but sometimes useful.

I think there is a role for getting in touch with any angry feelings you may have concerning having been abused way back when. Anger is not always a bad thing. Sometimes, anger is what helps you to stand up for yourself and to say, "No more". Also to assert yourself when you might otherwise be timid. I'm not talking about blind rage here; just that healthy anger that helps you to know that you are not what someone else has described but instead have value and the anger helps you to assert that value in the face of voices or judges or perspectives that are presently colonizing your mind which suggest that you are a bad person.

Mark

[Peer Abuse]

Desensitization works......talk to your psychologist about this.

I understand completely what you are saying. These scars are powerful and last a long time. Hang in there......you are a good person.

[2002to2009]

Hi, MovingForward. I have to get back to homework, so alas, this will be a short note.

But no, you are not alone; there are lots of people who've had similar experiences growing up. I personally had the double-whammy of bullying at home and at school.

The feelings of shame I had kept me from even talking about it for a long time.

What Mark said about anger and re-location are quite true.

I now live about 800 miles away from the sh*tty little country town I grew up in. Coincidence? I DON'T THINK SO!

In a way, you have to find the humor in what happened. Anger helps you do that.

Growing up, my Mom was always off on planet Mars and my Dad was a verbally-abusive porqupine, which left me oh-so-well prepared to deal with the plaid-skirted hyenas they sent me to deal with--at a 45-minute distance away. They also got me the cheapest uniform, even though they could have affored other one.

With all that thorough parental guidance and forethought, it would have been a miracle if I HADN'T been bullied. I guess the fact that it was a catholic grade school wasn't enough for something that "miraculous." And did I mention I'm agnostic? :-)