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Advice Needed


lando
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I need some advice about somethings, and well I don't know where to put it because it has a lot to do with my depression, and a friendship/relationship so to speak.

So I guess I can start with this I have been suffering, and yes I use the word suffering with depression for 13 years, I've never really been happy with my life, and well when I was in high school I met someone who changed that, now our relationship was short lived, and never became sexual, I knew that I loved this girl. but through the years we lost contact and continued my path of self destruction until one day we would get back in touch with each other, and eventually gave in into each other and took it where it had never been and like always she was gone out of my life. Because it seem she was always with someone/not with someone. That always messed me up inside. I always wondered if I loved someone who didn't love me back.

Well recently I found her on the internet, and Debated for 2 days to contact her, or just let it go. She had a baby in which I knew about, and I know the father as well. I contacted her. She was so excited to hear from me the same warm loving girl I fell in love with years ago we talked everyday all day for 2 weeks up until Monday. Now in this two week period she finally opened up to me, and told me her side of the story, and many other things I never thought she would ever tell me. One of which is she wants to spend the rest of her life with me, "When we get together" and other things I would rather not discuss here.

Like I said before I know she has a daughter and lives/relationship with the father. but at the same time she tells me she doesn't know what she wants. that doesn't make any sense. How can you tell one person you want to spend the rest of your life with them and yet not know what you want. If you would like to hear her side she has given me the OK to share with anyone who wants to read it. As for the list of Promises she gave me that is a different story personal you know. Now here is where the depression comes in When I don't have her in my life I'm miserable, when she is in my life I'm so happy I can't explain it because I don't feel it very often. I have waited 10 years for this girl to come around, and now that she has let her guard down to me she is backing away I know it. I have never asked her to leave her daughters father to be with me because its not fair to anyone.

So that's all I can really explain at the moment, any advice? Please?

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi, Lando.

Well, I think all of us have experienced being obsessed with someone. There's a tendency to put them up on a pedestal (at least for me), and assume that life will never be as sweet, or sweet at all, without them.

I know that has to create some antibodies in you.

It's somewhat irresponsible of this woman to say that she wants to be with you, but is unwilling to do what is necessary to make it happen. Do you think she's hoping you will "rescue" her? If so, what would be the possible risks to you? Consider also, the fate of the child. Is this guy a good father?

If she's in a toxic relationship, it could be the best thing in the world for her to "trade up." But she has to be willing to take a few tentative first steps herself. Actions speak a lot louder than words, and so far, it sounds like she's been giving you mixed messages.

You might also have to consider the unpleasant possibility that she isn't being completely honest with you. She might value and need your friendship right now, and might be telling you what she thinks you want to hear in order to keep that friendship intact.

I hope that helps.

Best to you...

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