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life makes me feel breathless


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im not sure if i enter the right room. but i wish i could get some help here or at least share my feelings with u guys.

here is my problems:

I am 22 years old and recently graduated from an unknown university. i live with my parents. i feel highly anxious when my dad was in the house. cos i feel he is someone always trying to break into my private life. such as i saw he was peeking me through the gap of the door. he is able to walk into my room freely in anytime.(so does my mom) i have never feeling safe to talk to my friends on phone while they are at home. i have to addmit that im trying to keep away from them as much as possible. but i realise that it's even getting worse and worse!! now when our eyes met and he would do(say) anything to make me feel upset with all kinds of stupid reasons that u can imagine.sometimes i couldnt even breath well by all of my feelings. i wonder how make a change of my life?

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Breathless and welcome to our community,

I agree with Lie_low that your parents are extremely intrusive and inappropriate, especially your father who, it seems to me, is doing something sexual in his behavior. Is he a "peeping tom?"

I also agree that it would be a really good idea for you to move out on your own. Do you have a job and do you have friends who could be roommates for you so you could share an apartment?

As a temporary measure, can you put a lock on your door? Have you told your parents to keep out of your room?

I must tell you that something seems very wrong about the situation you describe. From what you have written, your father seems to be extremely in the wrong.

Can you tell us more about yourself?


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firstly..thanks very much for help!

Allen, it's hard to fully open here cos i feel a bit insecure..sorry about that..

today i feel he(dad) is trying to find some reason to get upset with me and he made it. i feel so depressed because of him. cos he revent his anger on me and mom(she didn't do anything wrong). now nobody speak to me in the house. i feel im the one cause this family sad..

i feel if i move out from this family then everything will be fine. actually i feel im trying to escape from here..im not sure if im doing the right thing. i feel guilty to leave mom with my dad. she doesnt want leave him at all but from my heart i dont want she lives with him.(i know it sounds stupid and it may not something i should think about)

i feel really sad..feel like breathless..

i wish i could start a new life soon..but same time i feel guilty anxious and depressed. bad memorises always follow me..i used to self-hurt even conside to suicide but i stopped in a while.

why can't i get rid of everything?

i need help....im so weak...i need help...

Edited by breathless
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First off, it sounds like you're going to need to be patient while this situation sorts itself out. Having just graduated from college I'm sure the reason you're at home still is so you can save some money while you're getting started with a job. That's if you even have a job due to the economy. If you do have some money saved up start looking for ways to move out. If you can't afford an apartment on your own, what about sharing with a friend. If this isn't possible you can usually find rooms for rent, temporarily,until you can coordinate better living situation. You can't feel guilty about leaving your mom-she's an adult and she can make her own decision to leave or stay. I know you're frustrated but don't give up on yourself. Be patient things will work out. In the meantime, if your dad continues being a peeping tom and you can't confront him, a lock on the door would be ideal. If that's not a possibility, what about staying with a friend until you can work out your housing situation? Work on some relaxation techniques for when you're feeling really stressed(breathless). Good luck. You're not weak-you've got the guts to put yourself out here in front of a bunch of strangers. Give yourself some credit.

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  • 1 month later...

Hi breathless,

hoosier42 hit the nail on the head with "You're not weak-you've got the guts to put yourself out here in front of a bunch of strangers."

Please try to give yourself a break, look at the positive things you've achieved thus far. Try not to internalise your fathers issues. From a similar personal experience (a controlling father) I realise that's not always easy.

I found by disassociate myself by going to a friends place or staying at a mates place a for a day or so it at least offered an escape route. A method that allowed me control of the situation as opposed to my father having control over me.

Granted it's not a long term solution but for now it may help lessen your internal turmoil by allowing you to defuse the situation should it become too stressful.

Although I knew what was happening wasn't ok and that I wasn't to blame, it still didn't stop the feelings of guilt I held onto and felt like I had a duty to stand by and not leave.

Looking back now maybe I'd been controlled for so long that I actually feared the thing I most wanted. Rather profound Hey!




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