Is there something wrong with me?

[Tuas134]

Hi I'm Cameron and I'm new here, but I am sort of "misfit" in real life.

I try my hardest to avoid anything that I fear of any rejection or anything I don't certainly like or to look like a fool.

I guess an example might be if I see a girl I like. I use to feel like maybe I was just a coward, but now even if I do get a chance to talk to one, which is rare, i often say something rude, or not proper, I like to know I am liked I guess?

I try not to be any center of attention, I usually like being alone, but a lot of those times, I don't have very good thoughts, but I don't like people's thoughts about me or being laughed it. It doesn't anger me, it just.. hurts and I fear that I will do regretful actions.

I am and always have not been social, to anyone, family, no one, I never liked talking or socializing with people. I wouldn't say much, even to a girl I thought was amazing, unrequited I guess. I guess that falls back into fear of rejection I feel all the time when around anyone, like pity if they do even talk to me.

I feel like.. I am... Conjurer's Gold... Worthless.

I feel that no one likes me. That I can offer nothing to anyone, and less intelligent, or not important as everyone else.

I never would try anything "new" really or would take much much persuasion.

I don't know why, I could have been good maybe, or maybe I feared being inferior like usual.

I guess I want to know, am I normal.. do people feel this way too? Or is there something wrong with me?

Thanks, Cameron.

[Mark]

Cameron,

Based on what you've written here, it would appear that your issues have to do with social anxiety, and potentially (if they are severe enough) with something that is called "social phobia" which is essentially social anxiety disorder - what happens when social anxiety gets so severe as to interfere with a person's ability to function. People who have these sorts of issues are often characterized as having a "fear of negative evalutation" and to be prone to embarrassment very easily. Does that sound like you?

You're wondering if this is a normal problem or if there is something wrong with you and I can't answer that for you in any specific sense. Generally people want to know if they are "crazy" and it isn't often useful to think in such terms. You either have an issue or you don't, and if you do have an issue that is interfering with your life, then the thing to do is to try to figure out how best to resolve that issue or cope with it. Beating yourself up or wondering if you are crazy doesn't help much.

If you do have a social anxiety problem, you're in luck, because there is good treatment available for this sort of thing. I'm partial to recommending cognitive behavioral based treatments for social phobia. These are a form of cognitive psychotherapy (talk therapy) which has been adapted to help people cope with disabling social fears. In this therapy you learn how to identify what your fears are and how to evaluate them systematically to see how realistic they truly are. Often times, peoples fears are irrational and based on mistaken premises. This sort of therapy helps people to undermine such mistaken fears, and also to get through the difficulty of facing them even when they don't make sense through role playing and similar sorts of practice.

There are medication treatments that can help with this sort of thing too, and they can be quite helpful. You'd need to see a physician to gain access to such medication. A variety of medications can be prescribed including stuff like Xanax (which can be addictive) and anti-depressants which sometimes also have an anti-anxiety effect.

Hope this helps you.

Mark

[Tuas134]

Based on what you've written here, it would appear that your issues have to do with social anxiety, and potentially (if they are severe enough) with something that is called "social phobia" which is essentially social anxiety disorder - what happens when social anxiety gets so severe as to interfere with a person's ability to function. People who have these sorts of issues are often characterized as having a "fear of negative evalutation" and to be prone to embarrassment very easily. Does that sound like you?

It does, I believe so.

You're wondering if this is a normal problem or if there is something wrong with you and I can't answer that for you in any specific sense. Generally people want to know if they are "crazy" and it isn't often useful to think in such terms. You either have an issue or you don't, and if you do have an issue that is interfering with your life, then the thing to do is to try to figure out how best to resolve that issue or cope with it. Beating yourself up or wondering if you are crazy doesn't help much.

I see, i do want to resolve this, or get all my facts straight. I was sure beating myself up doesn't hurt much, but it was just how I dealt with things.

If you do have a social anxiety problem, you're in luck, because there is good treatment available for this sort of thing. I'm partial to recommending cognitive behavioral based treatments for social phobia. These are a form of cognitive psychotherapy (talk therapy) which has been adapted to help people cope with disabling social fears. In this therapy you learn how to identify what your fears are and how to evaluate them systematically to see how realistic they truly are. Often times, peoples fears are irrational and based on mistaken premises. This sort of therapy helps people to undermine such mistaken fears, and also to get through the difficulty of facing them even when they don't make sense through role playing and similar sorts of practice.

This therapy sounds interesting, but how would you find these exactly, and are there other things that limit to getting answers on this?

There are medication treatments that can help with this sort of thing too, and they can be quite helpful. You'd need to see a physician to gain access to such medication. A variety of medications can be prescribed including stuff like Xanax (which can be addictive) and anti-depressants which sometimes also have an anti-anxiety effect.

I see, kind follows up with last question. I'm pretty sure there are special requirements for medification, aye?

[Mark]

Unfortunately, the medication gets handed out like candy (IMHO). it is too easy to get. But that doesn't mean that it is't appropriate sometimes.

Take a listen to these podcasts please. They will help you gain a better understanding about anxiety disorders:

Richard Heimberg, Ph.D.

Michelle Craske, Ph.D.

David Barlow, Ph.D.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is easy to find - it is one of the more popular therapies available today. If you look in your local yellowpages you will probably find a "cognitive therapy clinic" or therapists who offer that sort of therapy (provided you're near a reasonable sized city).

You can search in our Therapist Directory; that might help you locate someone, or if you know anyone in the area who has seen a therapist you can get a referral that way and if that therapist doesn't offer CBT, he or she will probably know someone who does.

[Tuas134]

Unfortunately, the medication gets handed out like candy (IMHO). it is too easy to get. But that doesn't mean that it is't appropriate sometimes.

Take a listen to these podcasts please. They will help you gain a better understanding about anxiety disorders:

Richard Heimberg, Ph.D.

Michelle Craske, Ph.D.

David Barlow, Ph.D.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is easy to find - it is one of the more popular therapies available today. If you look in your local yellowpages you will probably find a "cognitive therapy clinic" or therapists who offer that sort of therapy (provided you're near a reasonable sized city).

You can search in our Therapist Directory; that might help you locate someone, or if you know anyone in the area who has seen a therapist you can get a referral that way and if that therapist doesn't offer CBT, he or she will probably know someone who does.

I see..Yes

Thanks, I will give them all a listen.

Oh how nice. I don't live near a big city, a small town the closest normal sized town is about 30 minutes away, but I did a quick search and found one that was in the 25 mile limit in your search system.

Thanks.

[crystalr0w3]

Hi Cameron, It's painful to feel rejected by others but you cannot please all and make them like you. We have this individual differences. Whether you do good or bad, there are still others who will ridicule you. So it's better to do what you want and be your real self. But there are others that is the same with you and will like you. Find that kind of people and connect with them. It is most likely that you will be accepted. You cannot avoid rejection from others but don't be bitter about it because you can live your life without those people. You are still the one that controls your life and you can be happy no matter what they do on you. Be happy. ;-)

[nancyannee]

Hi Cameron, I can tell from your post that you are an articulate person with a lot of worthwhile things to say. I can tell you from my experience that although I feel like a misfit in the real world, when I visit this site I finally feel like I belong!

I look forward to hearing more from!

nancy