Is it normal? Or not

[Gabi30]

Do here is somethings.

I knew what sex from very young age. From really young age I always imagine myself with a adult.i have realy bad anxiety or high anxiety. and i think depression to i have and ocd. my parents love but my father is a emotional abuser but care for me.and my mother cares for us but I think she little bit a neglect us.and the only thing that I have was arousal of sex machenism, i don't know.

There are some mistakes that I did. that I am really scared if I am a pedophile. Or is it porn addiction? Most of the this that I did. I didn't know it was bad. 

Here are the mistakes

- when I was a child I imagined sexual stuff   with my father and family member ( not with me)

- watching YouTube reditt about high school drama.  Like a teacher being with student running away.i thought it was okay because of love. And other things

- when I was 11 I was watching gacha life but for porn. On YouTube.

- when i was 12 I read wattpad. I once typed for teachers I didn't know it was koto okay.

-13/14 reading manwha bl,there where like child with a child doing something sexual stuff and I got arousel by the sexual thing they did.3 or 4 times I read the book it was my favourite book. Then I realised it was not okay to be arousel by that  there where like 12 and 13. There where other thing to that I realised it was not okay. There 2 other books with similar thing but I didn't know. The books are like mostly adult smut but there where this scenes.

There where other things but it going to be  along post.

The things I know that make not pedophile are

- never imagined somthing sexual with a child.

- I always play with family  friend children, never had any urge,behavior or sexual stuff about them.

- I love playing with children.

- Never was sexual attractiive pr had a crush about a child.

- and I accidentally watched cp and I didn't like it the only thing that I feel guilt is watching the hole thing

- I always had crushes on teachers.or celebrities.

- going to beach with children never had any sexual attraction to the children.

And other thing to.

I am realy scared and I know that I have to go to therepist. Is it anxiety or porn addiction? Or I just a pedophile.

[Gabi30]

And never had crushes on my on pierce or any below my age.