Jump to content
Mental Support Community

Surprised


jennifer
 Share

Recommended Posts

Jennifer,

This site (the community part of it) is actually very new - maybe five weeks old. So that is part of why it is not super well trafficked at present.

What is it that you are wanting to talk about? You're in the eating disorders forum, so I'm assuming that it has something to do with that.

Mark

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Mark,

If you are able to go to my blog,that will tell you why I am here per se.This is the way I deal with my issues of the moment. I don't want to type it all out again because it took awhile and I was alot more emotional than I am now.Like many, I believe my problem is depression, but I do not want to medicate the problem for I want to learn how to deal with things and accept myself for who am today. I am tired of feeling crappy all the time and I needed to search to find others who are reaching out too. Because it is not all about me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I wanted to let you know that I can relate to alot of similar situations I was reading your blog and relate to it. I am also in a place similar to you trying to get a handle on life in general. I cope all over the place too and struggle to just be. I have two kids that I want to be strong for as well. Hopfully we can help to support each other. Take care:)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

forgeting,

Thank-you very much for responding. It has been a very rough week for me and I am just waiting for the day that I am like...Thank you god! I feel okay today. It doesn't last but at least it comes.I saw another post that you had left on another topic, and it is nice to know that you have kid(s) too. For me, being a role model to my kids is what makes me want to change for the better because they deserve the best that a mother can be.It is nice to read other peoples advice and thoughts on life on a more personal level. All the best for today.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Jennifer,

I did go to your blog - at first I didn't know what you were refering to but then I remembered that I had installed the nifty blog software that comes with this forum and that you were probably talking about that and - voilia - I found it. That's newness for you. For others who would like to read Jennifer's blog (or the several other blogs that have been opened), simply click on the "Blogs" link above and to the left and you'll find it.

It sounds like you do have more going on than a singular eating disorder. Your emotional issues started many years before your eating symptoms, for one thing, and as you said, you've used a number of different strategies over the years to try to cope, with only partial success in any instance. My immediate first impression is that there is some sort of depressive or emotional instability thing that you're vulnerable to, and the rest of the stuff is laid on top of that, and possibly serves some sort of self-medication/coping function. People with eating disorders are often perfectionistic and hold themselves to high standards that are difficult to meet. They sometimes have personality disorders and they can certainly also have other clinical problems like depression and/or anxiety (which are cousins, and themselves co-occur with some frequency).

If I may ask, what are you doing these days (if anything) to try to help yourself feel better, beyond seeking people to talk with, which I do not mean to trivialize in any way - support is vital for many people to help them feel better. Have you tried any formal therapies - either psychotherapy or medication in the past? You seem like you are not inclined to try to pursue that sort of thing, and I wonder why that is.

Mark

Link to comment
Share on other sites

hi Mark,

You are right, I am a perfectionist...one that feels like I have nothing in control. If my house isn't clean to where I like it, than I fall apart. I never feel good enough and I know that is my own problem. Other people in my life just add to that and it overwhelms me. I have become my mom who I swore I never would be like! I believe it runs in the family, for my parents are both high strung and have trouble dealing with life, and my sister is an alcoholic/bulimic/depressed person. I tend to stay away from them all because we all clash and i hate myself for being them.As for reaching out through therapy and such? Truly, I wish I could at times. I went to a few open N.A. meetings with my spouse, and I enjoyed them,but that is his thing. I don't get very many hours out of the house. Ryan(spouse) is alway's at meetings or getting away from us, so that he can stay sane. I give him that time because I am scared he will relapse and the whole process will start over again. But this has become a problem to me as well, because here I am feeling sick in the head, worrying about his life and not my own! I guess fear is the answer. I am afraid of everything! and that frustrates me to be that way. I went to church a couple of times and I really liked it. It was a release for me. I understood it and the messages about pain and suffering, but Ryan decided that he was not ready for the spiritual part of his recovery,and stopped going, and because of my fear, I won't go alone.

As for medication, I won't do it. I leave anti-depressants tothe people who really need it. I want to learn how to function with the feelings that I have, even if they are messed up. I don't want to rely on that to get through my day. Thank-you for getting back to me. I even get nervous responding back, but it feels good,

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest ASchwartz

Hi Jennifer,

I read your posting and believe that you could benefit from AlANON meetings.

The reason is that you are attempting to control your husband's drinking behavior and you cannot. No one can, except himself. You need to live your life and if that means going to meetings or to psychotherapy then you should do it. You are kidding your self if you believe that by staying home you can stop him from drinking. This is where Alonon becomes very helpful in that you will learn that you cannot stop another person.

I know how hard it is to live with someone you love who is dealing with an addiction. I know how much pain, anxiety and depression it can cause. That is why you wish to stop him from drinking and no one can blame you.

What do you think about this?

Allan

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Allan,

My spouse had brought home the welcome package from alonon a couple of years back, for the women in charge of the group, suggested that he do so. I read through them, but I couldn't totally agree with it. It was suggested that when he goes back out, I am to not adnowledge it, and to accept that he is going to live his life however he chooses, and to keep going to the meetings and getting better myself. That goes against the grain for me. I feel like I am getting manipulated and walked all over on, if I don't confront him.I know this isn't the answer either. FEAR is number one for everything. In A.A.,it is assumed that leaving the addict is not an issue. I am the type of person who thinks that I would rather start life all over, than live with a person who goes back and forth between sobriety and getting messed up...it is not the way to live life.Nobody grows. It always feels like a struggle to get somewhere and for once,think about the future.

I understand why I would need alonon, and I have gotten together for a barb-que with some of the women from there, and I was not comfortable. We were there for the wife,who's husband, was apart of the N.A. circle, had died in an auto accident. She was not doing well, and wanting to talk about her husband, but at the time, one of the other women's husband had taken off for a few days on a drug binge, and everyone was talking about that and consoling her. It felt wrong for me. I am a person who does not like to tell people about my life. Not even my family knew about my spouse drug addiction, until years later. And even than I regretted telling everyone because it seemed to cause so much drama and relationships became strained.All we ever talked about was these issues, and it drove me crazy! I was not answering the phone or door. I don't like having to ask for help...it seems to depress me more, but at the same time, I need it. It just has to be with the right people. I guess i like to think that i can handle my own problems without bringing the outside world in.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest ASchwartz

Hi Jennifer,

Leaving the addict is most definitely an option and worth taking if nothing else works. You are quite correct when you state that dealing with an addict is extremely anxiety provoking. My suggestion about alonon was to help you learn to disconnect from the addiction. Most certainly, divorce is a way to disconnect and I would even warn him of that happening unless he shapes up and gets help.

At this moment we have old friends visiting us and who talked about the history of alcohol addiction. It was the husband who was constantly drunk. When she could no longer take it she told him that if he did not stop drinking it was all over. He has not had a drink in 25 years. Of course, she was dead serious and he knew her to be a person who did not make idle threats.

So, if you decide you have had enough, you have to mean it when you state that it is either the bottle or you.

One more thing: we ALL need the help of other people and that is a good thing.

Allan

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...