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making an exit


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Hi Digger, I'm sorry to see that mabe you are having a very hard time rate now. I don't overly have much to offer to you to help but mabe I can share a small situation for you and mabe that can help a bit :)

Two years ago when times were really bad for me and I was very very much in a bad state I thought that that was it for me and I did not know how to go on. I won't elaborte on that. anyways I have struggled back and forth and some times the thoughts have been really bad.

Yesterday my baby girl sat up all by herself and crawled on her knees first time I balled my eyes out it was so beautiful to see her sit there and smile at me and I though to myself OMG amazing! I would have missed this moment this feeling inside that was empty for so long. I guess I have persisded to go on even when the feelings were empty to me and life seemed absent. I waited and waited struggling alone. NOW I feel life has more meaning to me then I can handle and the emotions of love for my kids overwhelms me at times. The point to telling you my little piece of info is wonderful things CAN happen you might just need to be strong through the bad times..... :):):)take care of yourself...

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I myself don't always understand the reason why I am here, and I don't blame anyone for why I feel the way that I do. The feelings that I get are "I just can't go on, I don't belong here, I just want to go home" HOME to me is a spiritual thing. I know they say that when you give up on life, that you give up on God...but that is all that I know that I can turn to when I need to get it out. I did not find that through church or family, I found that in myself. I have children too, and that is what takes me to another day. Just like the AA meetings say "live one day at a time", and relish in those days or for me, those few days out of the month that you feel great and strong and willing to keep going, because life is all about struggles, and what we do to get through it.It would be nice to feel great all the time but how realistic is that? I know no different than who I am right now.

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Digger (and others who are feeling suicidal),

As other people have already articulated better than I can, often times, a good reason to hang around is becuase other people need you. People that you know already, and people you haven't met yet, or have only interacted with a little bit. Someone (black hole) asked for help the other day and you responded to them quite well I thought (see your response here). You helped someone and comforted them a little bit and by doing so, made a difference for someone. If you did that once, you can do it again and other people can benefit from your presence. It doesn't take much - just a little caring, or a little acknowledgement.

Another good reason to hang around is that the problems that cause people to want to kill themselves are often temporary or at least cyclical (waxing and waning in intensity). They often respond to treatment, and to genuine caring and social support. There are treatments remaining you likely have not tried, and they may free you up to feel better in the future.

If you kill yourself, those people you've met here in the short time you've participated here would be harmed. As would the other people in your life. Suicidal people often don't consider that, as they are in great pain, but it is true. I've seen one person's suicide turn into another person's suicide as the event is triggering to the max for others who are feeling vulnerable in that way. It's not a formal responsibility you have to anyone else (unless you are a parent or other sort of caregiver), but in my way of thinking it is a good thing to try to not do harm in the world while you are here, and to do what you can to try to help others who are hurting if you can.

On a slightly seperate note, would you be okay with sharing the sorts of treatments you've had for your PTSD? We collectively here might be able to make some suggestions for therapies to try that could help.


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  • 1 month later...

Ordinarily, the fact that emotional life is unpredictable is not something that is always welcomed by everyone all the time.

But in the case of feeling suicidal, the unpredictibility of emotional life becomes a wonderful fact! You may feel better in 20 minutes or 3 days or have a period of your life coming up where you will look back and say, "Wow, I just can't believe that I was in that place back then. I'm so glad that I am here now because these are the happiest years of my life."

And this is not to minimise how awful that feeling (or lack of feeling...) is sometimes. It can be truly unbearable at times. I know.

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