New user

[bkwrmz7]

Hi I'm a new user to this website. Thought I would try this see if it could help me any, you're supposed to post the statements that are going thru your head so you can find a better way to deal with it? Here I go, you might wanna grab a soda.

I won't find a job (which snowballs into losing the house, which I'm not delinquent on)

I'm going to run out of savings & still not have a job, then what am i going to do?

I'm taking a test to get certified in my field, the test was $300, I'm scared I'm going to fail it, which means i'm too dumb to pass it, i'm a failure, i just wasted $300 that perhaps i shouldnt of.

with how depressed i am, no wonder i'm not getting a job, i dont have the energy to fake it anymore

i'm fat, i'm lazy

I dont know if i did it right, but...

Edited May 21, 2009 by bkwrmz7
add another thought

[karai]

Hi bkwrmz7,

Welcome to the community! I can't really help you here, but I'm pretty sure someone else will be able to. Just wanted to get you to recognize your negative thinking. I'm an expert at negative thinking--just ask my therapist! Saying that you won't find a job before you even take the test, well, that alone will help you to fail the test! Try thinking positive and at the same time studying for the test would help too, maybe even make you more confident about passing the test. I hope I'm not being too hard on you. I know it's difficult to think positive when you are having a bad time, but I'm learning that one way to help yourself get out of the slump that you are in, is to be more positive. Well, good luck on passing that test; I know you can do it!

Edited May 23, 2009 by karai

[zoomzoom]

Hi there, I will try to reframe here

"I won't find a job "

Are you 100% sure you won't find any job, ever. Rationally speaking, even in this economy, you most likely will find a job in time to pay your bills. (And in case you don't find any kind of job in time to pay all your bills (which is doubtful) there are some resouces out there that can help your manage your finances until you do find what you need.) I really do hope you find a job, and me too. I'm unemployed too, so I'm also learning from this exercise.

"I'm going to run out of savings & still not have a job, then what am i going to do?"

Well, this would be a bummer, I know. It is a very real concern these days. HOWEVER, is this really your experience right now. You can't tell the future, just as you can't know that you will find something for certain, you can't know that you won't. Why cling to the negative when the positive is probably more likely? You might find a great job soon, and probaly you will find some kind of work to pay your bills before you saving runs out. You can take some sensible steps to try to get help with bills now and stretch your savings. My aim here isn't to minimize your situation, it does sound very stressful. I don't know what you are going to do if you don't find a job, but I do know, it's not the end of the world.

Here is one site I found on unemployment http://www.aflcio.org/issues/jobseconomy/unemployment/

Here is a site where you can enter your location and then find out where in your area to try to get help for your situation

http://www.211.org/

It's not my aim to minimize the difficulty of you situation, but rather to present a rational perspective for working through it.

"I'm taking a test to get certified in my field, the test was $300, I'm scared I'm going to fail it, which means i'm too dumb to pass it, i'm a failure, i just wasted $300 that perhaps i shouldnt of."

I hope you don't fail your test. But if you did fail, it does not mean that you are "dumb." All it means is that you didn't pass that test on that day. I didn't pass my drivers test the first time I took it. I remember that years ago, I had to take the test in a car I had never driven and I left the emergency brake on. Anyway, I took the test again and I passed. I've been successfully driving for many, many years now. Now, I know you really want to pass this test. It sounds like a big test. That is understandable, but to say that if you failed on one day, that means you are a failure isn't really true. You might have passed the next day if you studied more, and there are lot of other things that I'm sure you are successful at every day. This is called labeling and it's a distortion of thought because it does not accurately describe you, it reduces all of what you are and your wonderful complexity and experience, into one word. For example, I failed my driving test does that mean that even though I finished college and passed numerous other tests, that I'm nothing but a failure? Sure, it would have been nice to pass the test, it would have felt better, but it's not everything. Although it would have been better to pass, that one test certainly does not define me and it did not mean that I would never pass or that I should stop trying.

"with how depressed i am, no wonder i'm not getting a job,"

Is this really the reason you don't have a job? I think it probably has more to do with the economy, unfortunately the job market right now is tough for everyone. But, this is no reason to give up hope. Besides, many, many people have jobs whether they are depressed or not, I think getting a job has more to do with luck (the right time and place), qualifications, experience and how much you put yourself out there. It's kind of a numbers game at best. If you have the qualifications and experience and send out tons of resumes or applications, I feel confident you will find something.

"i dont have the energy to fake it anymore"

I totally know what you mean about not having the energy to fake it. It does take energy to push yourself, to sell yourself. Just because you are feeling like you don't have the energy right now, does not mean that you won't have it next week or in the next few days or even when you need it. Sometimes I can feel mopy all day and then if I need to sort of pull myself together I can. When you have down time just use it to relax and replenish yourself, take advantage of time you have off to let your mind and body rejuvenate by treating yourself in small ways. Remember to give yourself a break to rejuvenate. I found this article very helpful-

http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=4781&cn=96

"i'm fat, i'm lazy"

More labeling and name calling. Firstly, you shouldn't call yourself names, if you saw that I was overweight for example and I didn't work that hard sometimes, maybe I had a slow week or something (and I'm not say this is the case with you) do you think it would be right or justified to call me fat and lazy? I think not. Do you think it would help motivate me? No, it wouldn't help me. It would only be insulting and I would feel hurt and possibly discouraged by your words. So, try not to call yourself names. If it's not somethign you woudl say to a friend, it's not nice to say it to yourself either. And besides, it's counterproductive. What's more, what if you are overweight? I have no idea, but most of the United States is overweight, most middleaged Americans are overweight so you are in good company.

Here is a website I just found that has some a list of negative thinking styles if you scroll down halfway. http://www.cbtandfeelinggood.com/about_cbt.htm

I hope you feel better and find a job.

Edited May 27, 2009 by zoomzoom
I'm editting to add some more info