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Worried for my Girlfriend


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Ok so here is the situation. It is a little long so bear with me.

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for 2 1/2 years. We met very young when she was 15 and i was 16. We couldn't be happier, and are getting along great, until recently. About 6 months into our relationship, she told me she liked to imagine what her life would be without me and with other guys, and often thought about other men sexually, etc. This upset me a little, but nothing major other then a day of feeling not too hot.

Now, last week, we discussed a whole bunch of deep-down things like, how she is attracted to some of my friends, and gets these "flashes" of words going through her mind sometimes, that she calims mean nothing, as "i love you but i want to **** (insert name)" She has also had gay dreams, dreams of cheating on me, and many many thoughts of this. We talked for a long time about this and i discussed that i guess its normal and it doesn't upset me. We ended this night with both confessing we have never felt so honest, close, and loving of one another. I let her know she does not need to feel guilty over these type of things and that she might jsut need that kind of mental wandering once in a while.

However, since this talk, she has CONSTANTLY been thinking terrible things about me, our relationship, and other people. For example, she says she cannot think of my name without having the word "i dont love him" flash through her head, and whenever she hears a name, it doesnt matter which, thigns like "jennifer is hot" or "ive had sex with jeremy"....she says that when she goes to stores, and is telling me about it things like "you f******* the store owners" flash throguh her head.

This is apparently driving her insane. she says she is scared of everything.

She also says none of it is true and that the thoughts do not voluntarily enter her head. She says she loves me more then anyone or anything, and i do believe her, but these "flashes" or "thoughts" or whatever you want to call them continue to pump out these completely out-of-character things and undermining. I continue to tell het hat its okay, its okay, im not bothered just calm down, and it helps, but this is all she can talk about every time i see her.

My girlfriend was a victim of sexual abuse as a very young girl, and i am beggining to think that these "thoughts" or "flashes" have a connection with this.

I am really worried for her, because i can visibly see how much it hurts her.

Not to sound self important, but i am the best thing that has happened to this girl. I saved her from gangs / drugs, an alcoholic father, parents that do not appreciate her, and a deep depression. She has also done wonders for me and helped me get my life into an amazing direction.

Is this possibly some kind of mental illness? Am i doing something wrong as a system of support?

I would love to ehar some kind of feedback. There is much more information but it would ber very lengthy to include everything.

Anyways thank you for any feedback.

Kind Regards

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The way in which you provide support should be commended. It shows how devoted you are. You mentioned you helped her with her depression, do you have a therapist? Have you been able to confided in anyone close to you or a therapist? Based on the way the 2 of you discuss the matter, have the 2 of you decided to see a therapist?

It is good that you posted here and there are some fine people here that possibly can answer your questions. I maybe wrong but it sounds to me that you are growing weary and need some answers that might only be provided through a therapist. You wouldn't want her to lose her support from the one who loves her the most and that may happen if you don't provide a secondary support structure. What does your family have to say about your dilemma, if I may ask?

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The unfortunate circumstance is sir, that neither family knows of this dillema.

Her family is basically unnapproachable about these kind of topics and would probably laugh it off as "stupid teenage problems" while i have asked her to speak to my family about it, and she is too emberassed to even bring something like this up.

The therapist is also a big problem because we don't really have money. We do not have a therapist or anything of the sort.

And you hit the nail on the head in your post sir, recognizing that i am becoming a little irritated. I mean, all i ever hear from her is about the terrible things about me that go through her head and about cheating on me and about ending the relationship. Keep in mind this irritation wouldn ever lead me to stop giving her support so that is not an issue.

I just really want to help her out. She seems to be almost going back into her depression since this all started...

Kind Regards,

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There are free 12 step type groups. You mentioned she had an alcoholic father, so Adult Children of Alcoholics http://allone.com/12/aca/ might be one. The "intrusive thoughts" could be a symptom of PTSD or some other problem resulting from the bad home situation. Don't let her possible sickness make you sick trying to help. Then we'd be talking "codependents anonymous." It is hard, I know, but there is help. I'm glad your on the board. There seem to be a lot of resources here.

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PS If you do decide to check out any 12 step support (www.saa-recovery.org/index.htm is one that might address the sexual thoughts and feelings even if it hasn't come to actions) don't be put off by the "higher power" stuff or clannishness of some of the groups. I first looked at everybody and everything that wasn't like me, but I kept going back and eventually I started feeling connected in a powerfully healing way.

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