Dee1963 Posted May 17, 2008 Report Share Posted May 17, 2008 Hi everyone,I am new to the community. I stumbled across the site in my search to try to figure out how to handle my home situation. I seem to be married to someone who, I believe, has a personality disorder and is verbally, emotionally and in the past, physically abusive.He is no longer physically abusive as I told him that if he ever tried it again, I would have him thrown in jail and he would lose his job. He told me at that time that no one would believe me and it would be my word against his. I explained that with a 16 and 21 year old in the house, that it was three words against his one, and sorry - he loses. The physical abuse ended abruptly then.The emotional and verbal abuse continues though. Right now he is in an extreme passive aggressive phase. He does things like take the pipes apart under the kitchen sink and let it flood, while watching my reaction, never saying a word. I didn't react other than to clean it up and reassemble the pipes. (I'm a very handy person! ) He isn't speaking to anyone right now, and that is actually a good thing. The more he retreats into his victim stance, the less drama we have in the house. I need a break anyway, after 15 years of this, I am rather tired and I tire a little more quickly with each drama phase. This last drama was brought on by one of my sons coming back from Iraq. The focus was shifted entirely on him, family-wise, and that was just too much for my husband to handle. I have told him to get help. I seriously doubt that he will though, as he vehemently states that he doesn't have a problem. Everything is apparently my fault and to hear him talk, I am pretty much evil incarnate. He seems to truly enjoy egging family on to try to get someone to hit him. He keeps threatening to take whoever hits him "out". Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately) for him, I raised my children better than that, and they usually just shake their heads and walk away from him. He also will get in everyone's face (literally - he is about an inch from someone) and scream at them. Corded neck muscles, beet red face, shoulders thrown back, etc. He says it's "action-reaction". That if we didn't "attack" him verbally, he wouldn't react that way. Attacking him consists of "I already took the garbage out today" and other such things that are mundane and have nothing to do with him. He also loves to call names. I constantly feel as if I am dealing with a very temperamental two year old. So the effects of the abuses over the years is, I am flat out exhausted. I do not love my husband at all and am working on extracting myself financially from him so I can boot him out. All I feel for him is contempt. I have spent the last 15 years helping my children understand that he is sick and it is not their fault and not to put any weight into the tirades he has and to never, ever believe the names he calls them. All of my children have been through counseling and it looks like they are going to be okay. I am pissed off that my children have had to go through this. I am pissed at him and at myself. I have already sworn off ever getting remarried. I obviously pick poorly. This is my second marriage and there will not be a third. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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