just venting..

[mabear]

Hi,

I'm not sure really where to post this but I just need to tell someone that won't look at me like I am pathetic for not being able to handle whatever life throws at me with a smile all the time. So here is what has been happening over the last months or so...

1 - have begun to get into some deeper trauma and other discussions in therapy (my fault since it takes so long for me to trust anyone to talk to)

2 - A freind I have known for 20 years died suddenly 2 weeks ago from an aneurism, she was 42.

3- POLITICAL BULLSHIT at work greatly effecting my job and my clients.

4 - My beautiful mentor for a pilot program we created has just received word that she has stage 4 colon cancer that has progressed to lymph nodes, lungs, and bones.

5 - my 'mom' ( my real parents disowned me, she hs been my chosen family for 9 years) died of cancer 2 days before christmas this year

Ok so there are the major things that keep floating in my mind with all the falshbacks and nightmares. It's getting pretty crowded.

I find my self desparetly trying to numb myself and apparently SIB is the way I do this.

THe only good thing is that this does not seem to have triggered a bipolar nose dive. ALthough I am depressed. I can tell it is not the same.

Just feeling really lost...............

[confuzzed]

Dang mabear - things do sound pretty rough right now.

I guess the only thing I can say, and sorry for being so hokey - is keep your chin up.

Unfortuantely many of the things you listed are out of your control, and I know that doesn't help to hear that.

BUT you know that I and the rest of the community are here for you and we'll do what we can.

You have to remember to take care of yourself FIRST because if you're not doing OK then it's hard to help others be OK. I hope that makes sense. It's taken me a really long time to understand that - to take care of myself first - and many times I don't remember it, but it is very important.

Take care, mabear!!

-confuzzed