jomteon Posted May 25, 2008 Report Share Posted May 25, 2008 I'll keep this as short as possible. I am almost 21 years old and a college student who lives a school and goes home during breaks. I have recently accepted the fact that I have been the victim of abuse from my mother for as long as I can stretch my memory. My 21 years have been, to a large extent filled up of the unrelenting cycle of vicious emotional and verbal abuse, follwed by apologies, promises, and gifts. Even up to this late age it has been occuring. Before almost commiting suicide 3 years ago things in my life began to change in my non-home life, and I am a mostly happy person now, learning to use friends and my own self-reliance to help me overcome depression. The only thing I feel holding me back from being a truly new person, more or less free of ancient rage and prepared to take on the world, is me continued attachment to my mother. I need to leave, period. But I feel terrible about it. Although her abuses were beyond devastating to my psyche growing up (and even to this day) she was a single mother who had come out of a physically abusive marriage. She is the one who told me about what abuse is in the first place and would be destroyed if she thought that I thought of her that way too. But I need to leave and my question is: how should I do this? I have an aunt or father I can stay with and who could probably keep safe my belongings until I am am out of college and move out on my own. But one of my mother's attacks on me was always that I would do exactly that, go leave her and run off to live with my father or aunt and leave her alone. Self-fulfilling prophecy? Perhaps. And it makes me nauseous with pity. How can I move on without destroying my mother's heart and mind?I don't want to hurt her, but I want to stop hurting even more than that.Thank You. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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