Until what age?

[jomteon]

Until what age can child abuse continue?

I'll be 21 in two months but I still feel the wretched abuses of my mother that have gone from my earliest memories to this day.

And if it's not child abuse anymore, then what is it? When did it become something else? If it's the same, how can child abuse occur to someone who is supposedly and adult?

What's happening?

[Guest ASchwartz]

Jomteon,

There is no age limit on child abuse. Read my message to you in the General Support Forum. Yes, it can and does continue into adulthood. However, now is the time to bring it to a STOP. Move out and start your own life and stop worrying about your mother. She is just trying to make you feel guilty for wanting to be free of her. All of this is in the way of MY OPINION!!

What do the rest of you think???

Allan

[Dee1963]

Hi Jomteon,

I agree with Allan. You have every right not to be abused regardless of your age. You also have every right to set boundaries to protect yourself. Is it still child abuse? My opinion is that it is. You are her child and if she is abusive to you, then I think it qualifies as child abuse. You are still her child, albeit an adult child. You are poised to start a whole new part of your life and I think you should go for it. Don't let her stop you from being the person you want to be, and don't let her unhappiness or whatever she has driving her to the abusive behaviors, control your life.

And please don't let guilt run your life either. It's just not healthy. You can still try to have a relationship with your mother, but let it be a healthy one. If she is not able to start the ball rolling there, then you can. There are ways to set parameters that will keep you healthy and that door to a healthier relationship with her open, even if she tries to close it or revert to manipulative tactics and behaviors. If you are not sure where to start, you could start with going to a therapist, relationship expert, counselor, etc. If that is not an option, perhaps delving into healthy relationship books.

Reading the articles on this site are extremely helpful as well! It can help you to recognize what is happening, and give you ideas on how to cope with how your mother behaves. Remember, those are her problems, you don't need them to become yours.

I can tell you from a personal perspective that it is very difficult for a mother to let go when their children reach adulthood. The first one is always the hardest. I have two that are older than you and even now I find I have to fight the urge to just tell them what they should do, or try to fix things for them. It doesn't sound like your case is like that though.

Good luck!