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I am an elderly lady suffering from depression because my elderly spouse suffers from bipolar and won't get help. He stays in the manic depressive state. He likes the way it makes him feel but I am the one suffering. His behavior toward me is unbelieveable. He abuses me in every way except he stops just short or hitting me. The verbal abuse has cut so deep that I don't know if I will ever heal. I know suicide is a sin but it is looking like the only way out. If someone has a solution I would greatly appreciate hearing it.

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Hi Tipshep-

It sounds like you are in a very difficult situation, and one that you have probably been in for a long time (if this is a longstanding marriage). You say that your husband won't get help. Does he see a doctor or take medication? I am assuming by your comment, that he does not.

So, you must start to shift your focus to you. Have you sought out any help for yourself? Have you received any assessment and/or treatment for your feelings of depression? I would highly recommend that you seek out a therapist who has experience working with older adults.

Also, have you ever considered separating from your husband? If he refuses to get help for his issues, he may not ever change beyond abusing you. The best recourse may be to end the relationship as a way to keep yourself psychologically and physically healthy.

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I completly agree with Natalie on ya know looking for help for yourself to help you learn how to deal with your depression. Im sorry that your husband is abusive but maybe you should separate from him. cuz if he cares about you maybe then he would get a reality check and get help. so that you wont leave. but I know suicide sometimes seems like the best way out but do you honestly think its worth it. I really dont but I'm not in your shoes. but I still dont think it would be worth it no matter what. so maybe try getting help for yourself. well i hope you find a way out.

deepest simpathy


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I think it is time that you sit down and have a conversation with your husband. I'd tell him that how you feel and that if he can't restrain from treating you the way that he is and that if he doesn't seek help for himself that you will have to leave. Tell him that this is not what you want to do and that you love him, but for your protection (and quite possibly his) that you will do so if that is what you have to do. Maybe (hopefully) if this is what it comes down to then maybe after you do leave then he will seek help for himself. I'd stay friends with him, just not live in the same house with him. After all (as far as I know) you do still love him and you don't want him to feel completely abandoned by you, if he feels that you've completely abandoned by you he may start contemplating what you're contemplating right now and I know you don't want that. You care enough to stay in the house with him right now, so apparently you do care. You have to watch out for your best interests to though, you can't always watch out for everyone elses and he is destroying your morale and your self-confidence. Get out while you can and help him as much as you can afterwards but let him know what you will be there. Talk to him first though and let him know that if things don't change that you will leave....but most likely things will change for awhile and got right back to the way they are now. Best of luck to you and you have my best wishes at heart!

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