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feeling like I don't belong


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well, to me you are not a bother at all. we all have those days when we do not feel up to speed and have doubts. I do not believe you post to much and can identify with some of your concerns. Life is not always easy and sometimes down right hard but that allows us to appreciate the good things that life has to offer, such as helping the needy throughout the year not just on holidays or holding a child in your arms knowing how precious life really is. When I feel down I try to clear my mind of the problems that are bothering me so by going out side if weather permits and work in my garden concentrating on just working in my garden or sometimes I just sit and concentrate on my breathing. When I first started doing this the thoughts just ran through my mind but after about six months of this I began to notice fewer and fewer thoughts in my mind and now it is so much easier for me to just clear my mind so to speak. Also, when I help the needy I seem to get a euphoric feeling unlike anything that my meds do for me. As friends go I have a few but not many. It has been my experience that a lot of friends is not necessary to live a complete and whole life. I really try not to cling to anything, that does not mean I do not love my wife and kids and grandkids it just means its easier for me to see things in my minds eye more clearly, like the love I have for them. I still have feelings of being down and gloomy and being overwhelmed sometimes but I try and focus on why I am having those feelings and then let them go. Life is so full of wonders that if one only looks they may find that life is the greatest thing to have happened to this planet. So keep posting and never give up your struggle to find the meaning of it all to you, for you are a precious human being and you are loved and people do care about you.:)

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Guest ASchwartz

Thank you Anonymous, for your in put to Forgeting. I agree with you that when you feel down it helps to focus on your breathing and think about that instead of your thoughts. Nicely said. :)

There is a basic principle here: the more you try to stop thinking of something the more you will think of it. But, if you think of something else, particularly something pleasant, the better able you will be to move your mind in a better direction.

You know, even us psychotherapists get upset, believe it or not. So, what I do when I have a persistent unpleasant thought is close my eyes and take a journey to my most favorite place. I love the beach, by the ocean, any ocean. I close my eyes and take myself there. I can see the beach, and I keep it empty, and listen to the waves and feel the salt water. I do this for about fifteen minutes. It almost always helps. It's a kind of meditation with my own fantasies and its very relaxing.

Forgeting and everyone, I want to urge you to try this type of thing but use your own favorite place, some place you love, even if you have only seen it in pictures or movies.


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Hi forgeting, it's great to see you sharing your thoughts with us. If you are afraid of overstaying your welcome, please don't. From my own experience, I often keep my feelings to myself and I am more inclined to self-help. But, even if I can read my way around a problem, sometimes things become much clearer when I share it.

Really, it's great to share thoughts. You will find that there are plenty of people who are willing to listen as well!

I too have persistent unpleasant thoughts, but when I catch myself playing these thoughts out I try to focus on an action instead. I'll try the favorite place idea for the next time.

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You are most certainly not overstaying your welcome. This place is here for exactly how you are using it - as a forum for expressing yourself when you are in emotional pain.

The other responses have been oriented towards supporting you emotionally, so I thought I'd offer you a different variety of support - something more cognitive in nature.

The withdrawal from people, the feeling of being overwhelmed, the sense that others are judging you negatively, the sense of not being wanted - these things are an embodiment of depression: they are depression symptoms.

The thoughts you have - that people don't want to be around you, that you have nothing to contribute, that you've overstayed your welcome - are an important engine that keeps the depression going. They tend to reinforce themselves - you already know by feel that these things are true, and every time you re-experience them, that sense of truth becomes stronger by a little bit. The thing is - as we've shown you here by telling you that you have not overstayed your welcome and meaning it - your conclusions are not always accurate even though they feel accurate. You think its true - it feels true - but it isn't true. If you are amenable to digging up the truth in this instance, there is one less thing to upset you.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for depression capitalizes on this process of looking for repeating errors of judgment that are so characteristic of depression. By training people to examine their thoughts, CBT helps people to gain better control over those thoughts so that they don't continue to fuel the need to withdraw, the need to doubt yourself, etc.

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Dear Forgeting-

Just a thought....

I have worked with many CBT clients who weren't able to keep up with recording their thoughts on paper (several different reasons; for some, the thoughts came too fast, others compulsively edited their thought chart, which took away the point of the whole thing; others simply thought it was a pain and procrastinated). Some people really took to the idea of using a voice recording device (you can get cheap ones at Target, etc.) and found that to be a useful strategy.

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