Kalima Posted June 4, 2008 Report Posted June 4, 2008 I feel a bit guilty writing here now because my own pain has eased. I still feel persistently sad or empty but perhaps thats my normal state. I still jump when I hear people banging doors or walking up stairs but I figure I'll learn to relax eventually. I don't think I'm 'fixed' yet but I don't know if I'll be able to tell when I am. All my life all I've ever wanted to be in normal, but what is normal? what is normality? I don't like telling 'real' people (people I meet face to face, flesh and blood) how I feel. I'm ashamed of myself in many ways. But I want to be better, I want to be able to trust people. I did see a councilor, 3 sessions, 1 every 2 weeks, I barely sold her anything and afterwards she told me I prolly had low selfestime and I shouldn't avoid my parents as I said I wanted to. I can't see how she can understand anything and give me guidence when she doesnt know more than a handful of facts and thoughts.Mostly I feel in a state of numbness with occasional feelings of happiness or sadness. I try to distract myself when I get sad because I know I'm quite caperble of making myself feel 100 times worse. I've considered some sort of talking therapy, but I'm not so good at talking. I'm stagnating. Quote
Mark Posted June 4, 2008 Report Posted June 4, 2008 I feel a bit guilty writing here now because my own pain has eased. I still feel persistently sad or empty but perhaps thats my normal state. I still jump when I hear people banging doors or walking up stairs but I figure I'll learn to relax eventually. I don't think I'm 'fixed' yet but I don't know if I'll be able to tell when I am. All my life all I've ever wanted to be in normal, but what is normal? what is normality? There isn't any reason to feel guilty on our account you don't need to be in screaming pain to post here. Just to be interested in the human experience in general and mental health/illness issues in specific. Normal is the most slippery concept there is. It is a statistical concept actually - it suggests the "average" experience, but there is no person who is truly average so that doesn't exist except in fantasy. There is instead a range of normal experience. How wide that goes depends on who you talk to. To me, a normal emotional life is not one that is free of emotional pain, but rather one that is not disabled by that pain. Numbness is still a variety of pain - it's just pain you can't feel. Not feeling is itself a sort of contraction of the desired state which is to be receptive and responsive to what life has to offer (provided it isn't toxic or unsafe!). Quote
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.