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I just don't know


notmary
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I just don't know what is going on with me. Is it possible that I could have been abused as a child and not remember it? I am having these very disturbing "things" come into my mind. Many of them involve me "watching" from above a little girl being abused in horrible ways. I get very anxious and have what the doctor feels is a panic attack when I have these . . . whatever these are. What is happenening to me?

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Notmary,

Yes, it is "possible" especially since the sensation of looking from above can be a symptom of abuse. But, it can also be a symptom of having suffered any type of severe trauma. Abuse is just one. Many things can happen to a family that are traumatic but have nothing to do with abuse. For example, there are hurricanes, tornadoes, earth quakes, sudden sickness, death of a family member, etc.

Do you remember any such things or things that could be related?

Allan

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I did lose a parent to sudden death and then the other parent was hospitalized for months and family lived with relatives for an extended time. I think that the reality is that I probably was sexually abused. The many pieces of memory are too graphic and real...even writing this I want to push the delete button because I don't want that to be me. But how could I not know? Why can't I see the whole picture so that I know what happened.

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Notmary,

Wow, losing both parents most certainly is tragic and traumatic.

As for sexual abuse, well, who would want to remember such a terrible thing? We tend to push those things away and not remember. However, if it happened, the information remains stored in the memory cells in the brain and then slips out in tiny bits from time to time.

You would have to enter psychotherapy to find out. In fact, I would recommend EMDR because that method of therapy is very effective in helping people to remember and recover from trauma.

Allan:)

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Thank you Alan. I am currently in therapy although not the kind you recommend. I don't think I could bear to find someone new to talk to at this point. I am so ashamed, embarrassed and depressed not to mention the fact that I have extreme problem with trust.

Often times I can't even speak and this is someone I have built u p a relationship with over 2 years.

I guess the bottom line for me is this feeling of being in "THe Twilight Zone." I was traveling along knowing about the traumas that made up my life but generally functioning with mild depression and anxiety. Suddenly the bottom falls out of my life and then all of this new s#@! starts bombarding my thoughts and brain.

Sorry I am rambling. Thank you for "listening."

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