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unhappy and afriad


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i have been depressed for about 4 or 5 years. I am 20 yrs old now and it seems to be getting worse i am up until 5am crying most nights. i desperately want help and my boyfriend knows i am depressed but its very difficult for me to talk to him about it. i have been dating my boyfriend for a little over 3 yrs and he really want me to get help with me depression as well. after about 2 yrs of dating i finally agreed to see a therapist and i went to one session and never went back. About a month ago agreed to try again and have continued to go but it is not helping. I generally lie to m shrink so she think i am much happier then i am. I want help with me depression so bad but cant seem to get over my fear of actually talking about it or telling anyone anything. I will not share my feelings with anyone because i have a very intense fear of sharing my feeling or being betrayed in some way. I would like to know if there is any way for me to overcome my fears and finally start feeling better. I am also an extremely paranoid person. I am very pessimistic and always expect something terrible to happen. I always assume my boyfriend is lieing unless what he tells me is bad. I do not believe most of what people tell and i also tend to lie because i am afraid of people knowing the truth about me and my feelings. I always feel like everyone is hiding something from me especially my boyfriend. He has never done anything to make me not trust him bt yet i can't trust him or anyone for that matter.

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  • 3 months later...

I can relate to your feeling that people are hiding things from you. I think that people secretly hate me and can't stand having me around them but they feel obligated to be nice to me. I think the giver-away is the lack of eye contact that I perceive.

I think our problem might be that we are kinda obsessive and embellish slight occurances with deep meanings. It would be nice if we could stop caring for a while but I guess your feeling pretty vulnerable and delicate so 'not caring' is probably only acheivable superficially, which won't work anyway.

Unless your as honest as you've been in this thread your unlikely to get the help you need. My advice is to embarrase yourself in front of the shrink and see what happens.

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Hi Danielle & xaq75

I agree totally with you zaq75. And I also understand where Danielle's coming from too!

Do you know what used to really piss me off! When your walking up the street and you see someone that you haven't seen for ages. After talking a while, spinning them your webs, like you do! That on departure, they always say 'well it's been nice talking to you. You'll have to call round sometime, and we can catch up on the goss'. AS IF!

I always sense that they've only invited me round because they have bumped into me and feel that they have to?

Let's face it! Half of these people have my telephone number to begin with. So if they wanted me to call round then why didn't they fone me and invite me round?

No! can do without false people like that and I ain't going no where?

If I get invited anywhere, and if I decide to go, then it's because they've invited me because they have wanted to and not because they have to!


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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Danielle, Paula

Entering psychotherapy is a good idea for you. However, the kind of therapy you are in might be a question. What I mean is that, you report feeling very depressed. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is excellent for depression. It would help you examine your thoughts and assess how realistic they are and replace or modify the unrealistic thoughts with those that would help you function better. For this, I would recommend a clinical psychologist who specializes in this type of treatment. Also, medication might be helpful because you report feeling depressed for a long time.

Please let us know how you are doing.

Paula, I know when someone is being fake when I run into them: When they say to me, "let's get together some time," I know they are not serious. When people want to get together they make a more specific suggestion like, "how about next Friday." That's just an example.

The fact is that not everyone will like us. What is important is for each of us to have one or two good friends.


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Yeah I know, and understand, what your saying Allan. But to be honest, I don't trust anyone! When you've been shit on as much as I have, then you'd understand where I'm coming from!

Every time it happens. Shit happens! I let my guard down a wee bit, thinking that they won't shit on me? How wrong I am? It's like a vicious circle! Thats probably why I'm so defensive all the time? Now, I listen to what I want to listen to, and ignore the rest.

I know that you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover, but what else is there to do? Like I said previously, When you've been shit on as much as I have, then your body won't accept friends. Because it's learnt to not to have friends. You get it in your head that they're all the same, even though they're not.

I've always said that in the next life, I'm going to come back as a bird, Because I'm going to shit on all them that have shit on me!


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