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My long story of abuse - PART 2 **TW**


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****Parts of this story could be triggering, please be careful****

Near the beginning of the grade six school year, we were given our first sex-ed lesson. Much of it was spent on good touch/bad touch type things. I can still remember a jingle sung in the cheap educational film we had to watch. I look back now and i wish we had been given this lesson years earlier when it might have actually been able to help me. It was too late for me and in fact getting that lesson actually made me feel worse about myself. I hated myself so much because I thought that it was me who was bad, who was a monster, because it was me who had touched and done sexual things to the older teenaged boy those years prior. Even though now i can see that i had been coerced by the older boy, i couldn't see it that way back then.

I thought i was a monster and i hated myself. I can remember the first time i self-injured myself. I was still in grade six and i was ten years old. I hated myself so much and i even thought about committing suicide.

I made it through the year and near the end of the school year we went on our class trip to a camp on lake Huron. We arrived and got settled and the boys were sent to our bunkhouse and the girls were sent to theirs. The boys were messing around and a teacher came in to the cabin to settle us down. Unfortunately, I hadn't heard or noticed him come in and all the other boys stopped horsing around. I was left being the only one acting up and so the teacher singled me out and made me follow him out of the cabin.

He scolded me as we walked towards another cabin that was used as the latrine/bathroom facilities. We walked into the brightly lit room where another man was waiting. I didn't know him but the teacher told him what I had done and he told me that this man would tell me what I had to do as punishment. The man told me i had to clean the floor around and behind the toilet in one of the stalls.

I walked into the stall and he followed behind and then locked the door. He pushed me down so that i was leaning over the toilet and he stuck his hand down my pants. When he was done he made me walk over to the sink and he made me wash my hands and he lathered up his hands and began rubbing his hands over mine. When that was done he walked me back to my cabin and closed the door behind me after I walked in. I stifled the sobs that immediately came as i walked back to my bunk. One of the other boys asked what had happened and i was too ashamed to say anything. Another boy said that i was just being a baby and to just ignore me. I felt so alone.

The beginning of the next school year the rest of my classmates and i had to take a school bus for the first time to a different school. It was an inner city school and i hated it from the first day. Instead of the large grass-covered sports fields of my old school, the new school was paved asphalt in the whole school yard. It was quite a culture shock for me. On top of that, as we were all getting older, instead of being a class of kids who all hung out together, the rest of my classmates began to form little groups, cliques, amongst themselves. I was already on the outside looking in and the only friend i ever really had was my next door neighbour. I thought that as long as i stuck with him, i could still have a friend and hang out with whoever he hung out with.

One of the first days at this new school, i was hanging out with my nextdoor neighbour and a couple other kids. One of the other kids pushed me away and said that i would not be able to hang around with them any more. I thought my neighbour and best friend would stick up for me. he didn't. He kept quiet and all of them walked away from me and i was left standing there alone. abandoned.

I spent the next few months by myself during lunch breaks and I had found a hiding place of sorts behind a little brick storage building in one corner of the schoolyard. One day the school tough kids found me by myself and decided to take the opportunity to beat on me just for being different and alone.

I hated school. I dreaded walking to the bus stop and getting bullied before the bus arrived. I dreaded arriving at school and being bullied until the school bell rang. I hated every minute of it. I found a new hiding place inside the school and spent my lunch hour there every day.

It was late that year that I met another boy in my class and we began hanging out together. He became my only friend. We hung out until summer break and then because we lived so far apart in the city, we didn't really hang out much while away from school.

When school began the next year, grade 8, I was twelve years old. I began hanging out with my friend again. I still hated school, the bullying, and the feeling of loneliness except for my one friend.

One day at lunch my friend told me to come with him because he was going to leave the school grounds and go see a friend. Leaving the grounds of the school was one of the many things that was strictly forbidden. When the bell rang we went outside and quietly walked out one of the gates that led through the high chain-link fence and towards an alley in the downtown of the city.

We walked to a video arcade and played some video games until my friend's friend was to arrive. They never did. When it started to get late we rushed back to school for afternoon classes.

The following week I was talking to my friend about how I was going up to my parent's cottage for the weekend and he told me that his family was going camping at a nearby Provincial park. He wondered if we could meet and hang out on the Saturday afternoon. I said sure, why don't we meet at the lighthouse that still operates and is a landmark near where my parents have their cottage.

I remember the day, it was kind of overcast and drizzly rain and i got on my bike and rode down to the lighthouse where we were going to meet.

I got there and waited sitting at a picnic table for my friend to arrive. Pretty soon an old VW van pulled up and a woman got out. She said her name was Sarah and asked me if my name was Scott and when i said yes she told me that my friend had told her that i would be there waiting and that i was to go with her. I didn't immediately get in the van but the she started telling me how cute i was and how now she could see why my friend liked me as much as he did. Eventually i got in the van but we didn't leave right away. She kept telling me how cute i was and she asked me if i thought she was pretty. I was shy but told her yes. She grabbed one of my hands and put it on her breast. I was surprised but she giggled and asked me if i wanted to see her breasts. I couldn't say anything and she smiled and giggled and pulled up her shirt. She wasn't wearing any bra and she put my hand back on one of her bare breasts.

That was the beginning of our relationship.

***End of Part 2....Continued in Part 3***

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