parents - cause and effect

[solustein]

i don't know if something is wrong with me honestly this maybe even a wrong part of the forum to talk about this, but i was wondering the way my parents argued and just basically acted towards each other for 7 years, could it by chance have an effect on my mental health? my parents would argue a lot and sometimes would end up in fist fights (mostly my dad would be hitting my mother) i would always stop them always since i was like 10 years old it stopped but is slowly starting again, its often my leg or hand just starts twitching or moving for no reason just cause it does it weird and its possible its stress from all of it but i just want some info on this. feel free to ask questions il answer any probably.

[Alxias]

I'm no doctor. Not even close.

But I've had to deal with fighting parents.

The constant back and forth yelling,

sometimes, even weapons and beatings brought in.

And sometimes they seem completely alright with life.

I know that fighting within a house can usually bring about just enough, if not too much stress for not only the parents, but the children, and anybody else living in the house.

They don't think about it,

we don't think about it,

It's just as you say,

Cause and effect.

Might I suggest, when you feel like you say you do, try chewing on some ginger ((i know sounds crazy)) or drinking some ginger ale?

It's a root that calms, and makes you slightly sleepy.

Peppermint can help clear your mind as well.

It's a simple technique that may help you just a bit..

Like said before, I'm not medical officer.

Hope I helped,

Good luck with what ever you choose to do,

~

Ally

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Solustein and Alxias,

Alxias is completely correct. Parental constant arguing definitely takes a toll on the mental health of those in the house, especially the children.

I want to suggest that plenty of exercise also helps diminish the amount of felt stress and, then, there is also psychotherapy.

Solustein, I don't know you. Can you tell us more about yourself?

Alxias, how are you doing?

Allan:)

[JaneE]

Well I don't know if it's true, but I once read it's how your parents treat YOU, not how they treat each other that really determines how you relate to other people. One wonders...

I remember when my parents used to fight, I think I was about 11 years old. I could hear the yelling, and I was looking in the mirror and saw my hand on my leg. I realized quite clearly at that moment that I was a separate person, my own person.

I don't know if I'd have thought that so early without the fighting, but who knows?

My first marriage was actually blissful!! My first husband and I almost never fought. I mean, we might have argued, but it was always short arguments about a particular issue/thing/whatever. But we loved each other and had faith that we loved each other so it wasn't a big deal.

That marriage ended because we just drifted apart, sadly!

I ran off with some charming lout and got pregnant right away. I thought he *actively loved* me, he didn't hide in his computer (like my first husband) behind his work, leaving me unpartnered.

We fight all the time, he physically abused me earlier on, but hasn't in about 3 years (of the 10 we've been together). The beginning was merciless constant criticism and derision. I remember crying miserably, wondering why I deserved to be treated like this. I have no real

faith in him, no belief in his love for me. The slightest expressed doubt in him/questioning of him is cause for him to completely tear me down verbally. I've lost 30lbs and sometimes my heart hammers all night, feeling like it's tearing loose.

But anyway!

My point is that no, it's not inevitable that you'll end up fighting with your future spouse. If anything you'll be more careful to find someone you're compatible with, whom you can trust and believe in. Don't settle for less than that because you've already seen the consequences. I was smart the first time, but stupid and irresponsible the second time!

And once you have that lovely spouse, keep him/her! Don't take him/her for granted or disappear into work/friends/computer.

Advice from someone who's been there, I hope it helps some!

[solustein]

ASchwartz - sorry for not replying in sucth a long time but I've been a bit busy, its my way of moving on i guess. Anyway well to tell you a little about myself i am 17yrs old male i have interests in computer a little in sports I'm getting active in my church youth umm i like reading books i honestly don't know what you would like to know, i mean im a teen we are all depressed at this age even thoe i personally find it irritating but i don't know please ask questions and il answer them.

JaneE- thanks for noticing my post, and yes you are correct i am very picky about the girls around me because of how my parents are, and seeing how they are all i want is just to find a girl who isn't ugly but isn't exactly a model but as long as she will always love me and want to be with me il be happy i dont want to let go a girl who i love ive made mistakes i know i was and am weak but i am going to get stronger i am working on it, i got a job finally im going to start going to a gym for some running and swimming and i want to get my school done even thoe im terrified of failing at school because i cant remember things very well that ive learned but im guessing its just cause i never really studied for anything i always relied on the idea that once i herd it il always know it. if my reply is wrong please say so il answer any questions just because i want more answers i want to know more i want to be better.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Solustein,

Well, thanks for the information. Now I know that you are a teen. Actually, its not true that all teens are depressed. Plenty of them have no depression.

What I wonder is why you experience depression? Are there problems at home? How is school going and what are you future plans?

Allan

[solustein]

ASchwartz-

well i feel depressed because my parents have been at each others throats for 7 years now fighting, just 2 days ago i was sleeping until i herd a loud noise and a scream. Which was my father beating my mother it woke me up which is something new it takes alot to wake me up anyways, that's a possibility or its cause the girl of my dreams cheated on me and asked me to be ok with it, and i wasn't so i broke up with her.i mean im mostly over her but i still get memory once in awhile. now school wise i am home schooled and think its the worst mistake of my life ive cheated through 75% of that school and im 99% done all i got is 1 assignment which i will do myself but i dont recall anything i have terrible memory but i will go to college this spring i wont let anything stop me i have no choice otherwise i wont have much of a future. i currently got a job at a skating rink tho.and well i suppose you are correct some teens just pretend to be depressed for attention reasons me? i hate it, its a waste of perfectly good time of being happy. i have the will just not the strength im terrified of school not because of people but because of a chance of me failing.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Solustein,

I don't think anyone pretends to be depressed. Perhaps you know a lot of kids who are depressed. However, depression is something that you need to get help with. If there is a school psychologist at school they can help you.

It is sad about your girl friend but I do not blame you for breaking up with her after she cheated. But, there will be other girls in your life, that is for sure.

School creates anxiety for lots of people. However, why do you fear failing? How are your grades? Have you applied to colleges? Can you go to college far away from home? Do you have an ambition for yourself in the future?

Allan:)

[solustein]

ASchwartz- well i know that i will fine someone else believe me i realize that. regarding my schooling well i never applied myself to it i suppose would be the best way of putting it, i never put any effort into i got average grades mostly i failed my math and science but otherwise i did fine. i never studied and so on now im home schooled and well to be honest i cheated through 75-65% of it just because my parents wanted me to be done with high school as soon as possible get a job and just live, but now i want to go to college because i want a decent job not some low and difficult job sadly but true im not cut out for hard labor i can do it but...only for so long. and i got this issue that il remember something 1 day and forget it the next or i would space out for a moment and when i come to i lost my whole train of thought so it takes me a few seconds go get my bearings.i can go to a Tennessee college yes but it all depends on where they accept my school diploma because ive herd that not all school will take it for various reasons.