nicole Posted July 9, 2008 Report Share Posted July 9, 2008 I am 24 years old in a couple weeks and about to have my first child. I would like for this to be a happy time for me and it was until my mom found out and wanted to be an active part of my life again. My mom had me when she was barely 18 and I was exposed to several of her boyfriends fights with boyfriends and fights with family over the years. She left my father before I was born saying that he was a bad father to his son and she didn't want me to be like that. When she told me about him finally anyway. When she went to jail when I was in third grade I was passed though a family of drug addicts for a while until I finally went to stay with my grandpa. It was then that I finally got a taste of what it was like to have a normal peaceful life and surprisingly even in the absence of my mother I was happy. Eventually she got out and a while later remarried to her second husband who had a son a few years younger than me. He was an alcoholic and they both smoked weed a lot. As we got older it seemed like she became more of a recluse and more abusive than ever. If she wasn't smoking weed in her bedroom in which we were never allowed to enter (it had a locked deadbolt on it) than she was yelling about something. She would call me names and just yell and yell for hours sometimes. Sometimes she would get physical. I guess the point is she made me feel like I had nothing to live for. I hated the way she would torment my brother making him cry every morning over something as simple as brushing his hair. Nothing was ever the way she wanted it. Once I tried to call the police because both her and her husband were being so verbally abusive and then she started pushing and hitting me and I was trying to escape to next door where my grandpa lived to use the phone because she unplugged all the phone lines in the house and then she called the police and said that i had attacked her. That night they took me to a facility and gave me 51-50. I have to admit I did want to die but I would have never killed myself i just kept telling myself just five more years, just four more years. Counting the days until it was over. The day I turned eighteen I took whet I could and left. I slept in the car I bough with the money my grandpa had put away for me and I couldn't bear to face her or even talk to her for almost an entire year. But I kept thinking she might get better. When I did finally talk to her she started to convince me that things were going good. But when I would visit home I would see the way she treated my brother and my cousin I could see it wasn't. The more contact I had with her the more she started going back to the way she was. One day she would say how proud she was of me and how intelligent and then if she would somehow change her mood suddenly I am any number of horrible things. So I moved four hours away. I was starting to feel happy. Even though life had it's ups and downs it felt like a normal life. I just kept my distance and tolerated the visits on holidays whether or not my christmas would be merry. But now that she has found out I am having a baby she has decided to come visit for every doctors appointment even though she has never come up here in the last two years. The last time she came to visit she sat right between me and the baby's father and when we got to hear the heartbeat for the first time he wasn't beside me. She Then told me she wanted to come stay with us for two weeks before and after the baby, and then three days a week after it is born. She also said that Matt (my fiancee) was abusing our dog by brushing it too hard and claiming that he seems to be a bully. He definitely is not he loves the dog and he is very kind and supportive. I understand she probably had good intentions but when I told her that I thought staying with us that much was too much and I told her how I felt about her taking matt's place at the appointments she just said "i have to go" and hung up on me. I let her know I wanted her to be a part of it and that she was always welcome to visit (no matter how much doubt I had and worried about the stress on me and the baby) but she stopped calling four times a day and stopped all contact with me. It was both a relief and a disappointment. I wrote her a letter saying how I want her to be involved but I want her to take her place in this and not take over matt's place or mine and respect my feelings. I told her the emotional instability needed to be addressed as it was adding more to the stress in this time that I would like to enjoy and she ignored it for three days. Then texted me acting like nothing happened. When I asked her for a response she began with sarcasm. She said "I will not apologize" about six times. "I will not apologize for trying to be close to you". She told me that I use people and that my grandpa "did more for me than I ever deserved". I tried again with another letter and all I got was "so what exactly do you think is the problem?" But I had already explained that. I am so tired. It feels useless. I am worried about my health and the health of the baby. I have so much more to say but I know this message is difficult and long to read already, what can I do now? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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