ms.sarahann Posted July 9, 2008 Report Share Posted July 9, 2008 Hello, I just came across this site, which is pretty much exactly what I've been looking for. A little background first: I'm turning 20 and I live w/ my fiance, we've been together a year and a half this month. He is 8 years older than me. The past about 6 months him and I have hit the bottom financially and eventually in our relationship as well. I was pushing my fiance away and not even realizing it. This isn't really a relationship problem b/c we recently talked and have been doing great duh to some much needed changes on both our parts. However, one night he expressed his concern of me possibly being bipolar. Of course at first I didn't want to think about it but know I'm wondering what really is wrong w/ me. At times it doesn't take much to make me upset, a few weeks ago I broke down crying and couldn't pin point the exact reason of me being that upset. I hate myself a lot b/c I don't know why I do certain things, or act certain ways. I'm in this becoming an adult phase of life, and its really been hard on me. My emotions are like a roller coaster, and I'm seriously concerned b/c I don't want this to push my fiance away. I do see how it doesn't take much to upset me, most of my childhood was happy, my parents did divorce when I was younger, but I do remember when I was younger my angry being pretty bad, I would get mad and through things and break them in my room etc. In high school I started to cut myself, not to kill myself, but for some reason, it made me feel better. I didn't do it much, but recently in the past fights I've had at home, I find myself wanting to. I had a relationship right before this one, I saw my b/f then about once a week but was still telling him I needed space, around that time I was pretty depressed and had really reached the bottom. I felt completely alone, even though I had family and friends that cared about me all around me. A friend suggested then that I should look into help but I blew it off. Basically, I'm wondering where do I start. We can't afford for me to go and talk to someone about it, so I'm hoping to get some input on if I'm bipolar, have severe depression, or if I'm just crazy. I will be honest tho, I smoke marijuana.. a lot actually. I am working on that habit right now, I haven't smoked today, and just feel down. I have a lot on my mind w/ this issue and other issues, I just am hoping someone can help explain why I feel this way. I have the most amazing person in my life, and don't want to lose him b/c he thinks I'm crazy. Thanks in advance for any help, its greatly appreciated. Thank you,Sarahann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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