Where to Start??

[Beyondreach]

Hello All,

I just found this site and am glad. I have always had problems with anxiety. It is mostly associated with work. I feel nervous and all the small things in life that I try to remember the following day and cannot...get me so anxious. I am so greatfull for such a wonderfull wife and lovely daughter. I swear, the 10 hours a day I am at the office, I feel like my heart is racing all day, I come to a standstill whenever an issue comes up. I worry and worry and worry over things I have no control over. I was treated with Lexipro a couple years back and it never really worked. I just want to stop worrying and feeling this way. It is really taking a toll on me. Any suggestions? Are there any local support groups?

Thanks

Beyondreach

[Natalie]

Hi Beyondreach-

Welcome to the community. It does indeed sound like you have some issues with anxiety, but we need more information before we can point you in the right direction with a guess at diagnosis and types of therapies.

Do you experience anxiety in relation to certain things? In only certain circumstances? Or is it more of a free floating anxiety that bothers you most of the time? What are your symptoms like? How long has this bothered you?

Have you tried any self-help strategies to deal with anxiety feelings? Any psychotherapy? Any strategies work for you?

[Beyondreach]

To All,

I have had anxiety related to my job for some time now. I was on lexipro for a couple years and about 6 months ago my dr. asked me how everything was going...I was fine and had been fine for a while. Since then he took me off the lexipro...every seemed to be ok for 3 months or so. Then my job started to get stressful again. A couple months passed by and I sh ould have seen the writing on the wall. I would get pannicky at work. So with that said finally I reconized it and went back to my dr. who put me on zoloft a week ago and gave me some xanax for severe episodes.

I just hate this feeling where my anxiety imobilizes me. I started seeing a therapist last week...who is on vacation this week and I see him again next tues. I also have an appointment with a physchiatrist a week from thursday. I guess I am headed in the right direction. It is just difficult at the moment.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Beyonereach,

By the way, you are not "beyond reach," and I hope you know that.

You are headed in the right direction and, in the meantime, I want to urge you to go to the part of our site where you will find articles on coping with stress. You can learn how to do deep breathing and other relaxation techniques that really help in reducing anxiety.

Allan

Edited August 5, 2008 by Mark
added links

[Beyondreach]

Allan,

Thank you for the kind words and pointing me in the direction of stress coping skills. I am going to print them out and read them on my deck after work tonight.

You know....I've dealt with work anxiety for a long time...and should have seen the writing on the walls. I look back at some of the little things that occured....that should have triggered me to see somebody sooner. Cies la vie. I did something today I havn't done in a couple months...I actually left the office and went out to lunch. It was nice to unfocus for a short while. I did feel better upon returning to the office. I may have to reincorporate that during my days again and working out as I regularly until 3-4 months ago. It is funny how clear things become when looking back...too bad we don't recognize them as they occur.

Best Regards,

Beyondreach

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Beyonereach,

I always encourage people to go out for lunch regardless of how busy they are at work. It refreshes the spirit and allows for more productivity afterwards.

In fact, one of the things that we have learned from research is that taking a break during the day (other than lunch), let us say for ten minutes, and doing a short meditation or evening taking a short nap in the PM, really re-energizes the body engines and allow for a refresed feeling.

You know, when we visited Italy we noted that there were four rush hour periods during the week. The reason was that stores close, people return home for a meal and sleep. A few hours later the traffic streams back into the cities and work is resumed. Other nations do the same.

This is good for all of us and we Americans have not learned the fine art of liesure.

Allan

[Beyondreach]

Ok...so I've been writing down things about my anxiety. It starts about 6 am when I wake and lasts until 2-3 pm. Typically the worse between 9 and 10 Am. During that time I have racing thoughts how things at work will go wrong...95% of the time they don't at all. I worry about the customers I cannot get or those we lose and have no controll over...I worry about failing and those things I cannot control. Although I have been extremely successfull during my career and continue to do so. The ironic thing is, this week I have gained more business for my company than I have in the last three or four months combined??? Why am I stressed and so full of anxiety??? About failing??? What am I failing at??? I have the most wonderfull wife and daughter anybody could possibly have, I am successfull, and am surrounded by supportive friends and family. I live the all American dream???

I had a strange thing happen yesterday. I was sitting at my desk and one of my coworkers came up and was chatting with me and exchanged some kind words with me....she simply said..."you are one of the hardest workers here". After that I fealt my anxiety slip away like air letting out of a balloon...why did that happen??? Was it just those words that settled my thoughts and doubts about my performance??? Not that I am complaining, but what triggered it? I fealt good all night. I went home and my wife and daughter were at the neighbors house where I proceded to and hung out by their pool and had dinner with them...it was the first night I fealt social all week.

I stated seeing a therapist who I like. I saw one in the past who I didn't mesh with at all which gave me a bad taste about therapists. I met with him last week and our session went well. He mentioned cognitive behavioral therapy towards the end. It was our first appointment, thus we didn't get into any therapy methods. He just asked me a lot of questions which i answered honnestly and difficult as some of the questions were to answer. I know it is going to take time during this rebuilding process. I wish I could snap my fingers and make these racing thoughts go away, but I know it will take time...the anxiety and stress has been building up over several months and will take an equal amount of time if not more to overcome.

It is so damn frustrating when these feelings and thoughts bounce around between my ears and I get the quezy stomach and feel immobilized. I know...I just know in the logical part of my mind they are not doing me any good and that most of these things I worry about will never happen. I KNOW IT...but why the hell do I worry about them??

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Beyondreach,

I am extremely pleased that your new therapist mentioned Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It works great for anxiety and you will find it very helpful in reducing your anxiety.

I want to repeat: You are NOT beyond reach .

You are very successful yet, you have all of this anxiety!~!! Well, you are experiencing a major symptom of our times. All the reports I have read from around the world are that Anxiety and Depression are at epidemic proportions today. The only reason I tell you this is to assure you that you are not alone and that, in a strange way, it is kind of "normal" to experience anxiety.

Let's forget about the conditions in the world that are producing all of this anxiety and let's talk about you and anxiety in a general kind of way.

First, it is common for those of us who experience anxiexty to have the worst symptoms in the morning. I am not sure why except that, as we awake, we think about the day ahead and give ourselves terrible thoughts, such as, "oh, I will fail today," or, "I cannot really do this job," or, "my success is just a fluke, a game of pretend and they will find out the truth today."

None of these thoughts make sense and they are called automatic thoughts. Your therapist will help you with this.

Second, it is probably hard for you to believe in your success unless someone reassures you about it, like happened yersterday. The problem for you is that, while it feels good for someone to reassure you, it does not last long because you do not believe it yourself. Here again, your therapist will help you by teaching you CBT.

Third, do a search on this site for information about how to reduce stress. There are many stress reducing techniques and they will help you reduce your anxiety. For example, deep breathing, meditation, Yoga, listening to soft, calm music, etc, are all excellent stress reducing techniques that also reduce anxiety.

Refrain from alcohol consumption and other types of drugs, such as marijuana. The same with smoking. None of these things really help and actually make things worse.

How are you sleeping? Do you have personal involvements, etc, in other words, tell us more about you.

Allan

[Beyondreach]

Allen,

I know I am not beyondreach...but it does feel that way sometimes.

How am I sleeping...good question. Some nights I am so exhausted and fall asleep by nine...most nights between 10-10:30. I sleep OK most nights, but a couple nights this week I woke early am 1-3ish and was up thinking about things for a while...hour or so...then fall back asleep. I wake every morning 6ish plus or minus a half hour.

When I wake at night and start thinking about "things...ahem ie work" I try to calm myself down by turning on some soft music or focus on the the sounds of the frogs and crickets in the backyard when the window is open. I try to think about pleasant thoughts of the past or things I am looking forward to in the future. Anything to keep myself from festering about work. Sometimes it works and others it doesn't. I repeat to myself...this is not worth worrying over...again and again. I try and challenge those negative thoughts. I know the things I worry about are out of my control most of the time and never really even happen. Every day I try to think about the things I worried about the day before and often can't remember what I even worried about.

Another thing that may be related to my anxiety is that my wife is pregnant. We've had 5 miscarriages in the last four years which has really been difficult on both of us. She is farther along now than she has ever been at 17 weeks and I pray and hope all goes well. I try not and think about it a lot because it is painfull to think about all we've been through. Throughout those miscarriages I was always the rock for my wife. Now she is the rock and I feel like a pile of rubble.

What are my personal involvements? I have several...none of which I have really been involved in lately. I find peace in fishing. I have always found solice there...I tell people it is where I find a lot of faith...a place where I can always find comfort. I have been fishing a couple times in the last month or so...but I fealt a little uneasy even while out on the water fishing. In addition to fishing I make my own custom fishing rods which I have several orders for, yet have procrastinated finishing them for the last two months. I can't paint or draw so I guess it is my form of art!!

I used to work out 3-4 days a week which took a back seat to work about 3 months ago and I havn't worked out since. I need to get back to the gym which I know is a wonderfull stress reliever. I was thinking of cutting out of work a bit early today and head over there and get on the eliptical for a while.

Most importantly, I LOVE to spend time with my little girl and wife. They are my world and make it a better place. After work I come home and play with my daughter in the backyard or we take walks through the meadow after supper. I so look forward towards my time with them at the end of the day.

I know I need to start doing the things again that make me who I am. I feel like I have lost touch with myself and most of the things around me that are important. I know in the back of my mind work does not make me who I am.

Normally, I am an easy going compassionate person. I am understanding, caring, and loving with my wife and daughter...who are so precious to me. I try to lead a good life with a what comes around goes around attitude. I just don't know what I did in life to deserve all this worry and anxiety.

As I write this I can feel my anxiety slowly slipping away at 1:30 in the afternoon. Sometimes I wonder if my brain just gets tired of all the racing thoughts and just says enough already and just gets tired. Like I said in a prior post...every day in the afternoon it lifts like a cloud.

I know one thing is that is goes by so fast. I don't want to spend the rest of my life worrying about things.

Well, this is getting lengthy and everybody has better things to do than read about this page in my book of life. Although, I cannot tell you how good it feels to read your responses. I am glad I am not alone and this is something I will overcome with good time.

[Beyondreach]

Wow...today my anxiety is something else. I actually almost threw up this morning. Mondays are bad enough when you don't have chronic anxiety.

I had a mixed result weekend...some of it was worry free, although other times my thoughts were racing. One good point from this weekend, I did start going back to my fitness center. I went on Sat and Sunday. Sat I pushed myself so hard on the eliptical machine that my anxiety lifted...and Sunday it stayed with me on and off all day.

I am excited to see my therapist tomorrow. I wasn't able to see him last week in that he was on vacation. I got through it. And always seem to.

I wish I could pinpoint what triggers my anxiety to come and go. What is it? WHy is it there one moment and gone the next. I worry about all these absolutely dumb things that never really happen. I greatfully accept the nonanxiety moments....but somehow work my way through my anxiety filled spaces. I hate this feeling...I am supposed to be the rock of the family...the one who can take anything. Why the hell is this happening to me?

What else can I do??? I think I am doing everything I can.

I am seeing a therapist...

I am on meds...

Seeing a phsychiatrist...

started exercising...

eating healthy...

Telling myself to stop worrying when my anxiety is present....

Questioning what is causing my worries....

breathing techniques...

Havn't had a drop of alcohol in a week...not that my 2-3 drinks a week really effected me. Although I can see how people with anxiety and depression could turn towards alcohol and drugs to escape from "these" feelings.

I am sad and frustrated and angry today. I just want to go home and go back to sleep but cannot.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi beyondreach,

My heavens, your wife is pregnant after five miscarriages!!! My dear friend, I would be just as nervous as you. I had so many friends in the same situation that I feel like I can really identify with your situation.

You are very hard on yourself. You are beating yourself for being anxious. Please remember, it is not just you, it is world wide. You are not alone.

You are doing all the right things: exercise, therapy, medicine, thinking pleasant things. Now add Meditation. Buy and read one of John Kabat-Zinn's many books on meditation. He is a terrific read and you will learn how to do it. His beginning book, a classic, is "Wherever You Are There You Go." His books are easily availabe in all the book stores, in paper back, or, if you prefer, in all the public libraries.

Remember the old saying: "There is nothing to fear but fear itself." Translation: Stop being angry at yourself for your anxiety.

Allan:)

[Beyondreach]

Allan,

I thank you for your coorespondance to my posts. It is so kind of you to offer your kind words and helpfull advise.

Yes, the last four years have been a tough go for me and my wife. It is so terrably sad we had all of those miscarriages. But...there is a silver lining. I believe it has brought my wife and I closer than ever. We learned so much about one another and her and I were the only ones who could provide comfort to the other. A safe harbor if you will. She also had a nasty spell with anxiety herself and she has been so supportive of me.

Yet another yes....I was angry and frustrated when I posted yesterday. I keep saying to myself...within good time. I also met with my therapist yesterday instead of today. We spoke the entire time about behavioral cognitive therapy...we went though several scenarios and he has me writing them down and each of the steps as my anxiety creeps up on me. I put in a couple entries from this morning, but around lunch time my anxiety lifted. I hope this works. He said the CBT in combination with my meds, diet change, exercising, etc.etc. is a good choice.

I just try and take each day as it comes. Some will be better than others...when I have a good day...I just need to ride the wave as long as I can.

Again...thank you so much for your kind words and advice.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Beyondreach,

It is my pleasure to offer any advice and help I can.

Please let us know how things are going.

Allan:)

[Beyondreach]

It has been a week since my last post. Things are slowly beginning to get a little easier. I believe my meds are beginning to kick in after four weeks of taking them along with some of the relaxation techniques and behavior cognitive therapy. It is all slowly coming together. I still worry...but it doesn't bother me as much as it was. I try to rationalize my thoughts...think about how I catastrophize and how I turn molehills into mountains. It is still scary...but not as scary as before. I havn't needed to take my xanax for three days...which is an accomplishment on its own. I hate the way that stuff makes me feel.

My therapist is definately helping me a lot. I see him once a week and get to see him today. It is kinda wierd the days I get to see him...I feel a little better and a little more at ease.

So...I have a question. I was out with friends on Sat night. I had 3 drinks. The next morning I fealt shakey and jittery, and anxious. I couldn't put my finger on what was causing it. Is this the effect of alcohol mixed with Zoloft? I have completely cut coffee and caffenated soda's out of my diet...as difficult as it was and as much as I crave my morning cup of Joe.

[Mark]

So...I have a question. I was out with friends on Sat night. I had 3 drinks. The next morning I fealt shakey and jittery, and anxious. I couldn't put my finger on what was causing it. Is this the effect of alcohol mixed with Zoloft? I have completely cut coffee and caffenated soda's out of my diet...as difficult as it was and as much as I crave my morning cup of Joe.

Hard to say if there is a cause and effect here. You could ask your physician next time you see him/her. You could try experimenting on yourself (e.g., go out some nights and don't drink, and other nights drink your normal amount and make notes on how you feel the following morning. If there is a substantial effect of the alcohol on your subsequent functioning, the pattern should be clear in the notes.

In reading your posts, I note that you are a driven person. I read one where you talked about a colleague who had said to you, "you are the hardest worker" and that relaxed you. Which leads me to believe that you are dealing with a kind of relational expectation that the people around you think you are not working hard enough. We could call this shame, in fact, if it is the case. This would plague you with a chronic sense of not being good enough, which could easily contribute to your anxiety. You'd always be a junkie for a complement, but no complement would last very long in helping you feel better. Was there a critical parent or authority sort of figure in your past? At any rate, it might be profitable to think about not about the past, but about how you might be walking around bringing the past into the present in the form of a transference and thinking all the time (in an unconscious sort of way) how you are not good enough. This would be useful to talk about in therapy. I don't know that it is there, but based on your comments, I'd be suprised if it wasn't a theme in your mind.

[Beyondreach]

Mark,

You definately hit on something. Growing up I had a VERY critical father who I did reach out for praise and rarely got it. Now that he is not here to criticize me...I criticize myself. I have touched on that with my therapist. It is something we didn't get a chance to chat about yesterday, but it is something we have touched on and I want to talk about in full detail next week with him. Yesterday towards the end of our session I fealt like I didn't have anything to say. My therapist asked me if there are other things I wanted to talk about such as my childhood...I told him yes...but that would require a fresh session.

I really am tired of harbouring my shame and criticallness around with me. I wish I wasn't so damn critical and hard on myself. I am sure this is one of the roots of my anxiety. I have had anxiety all my life. I remember as a young kid when report cards would come around...my grades were not good enough. When I played in a baseball game....all the things I did wrong. As a young man taking a full load of collegic classes and working full time...I wasn't studying enough or working enough. Whenever I was proud of something I achieved...it was criticized in one way or another. The day I moved out of the house...I may have left my father and his criticizing at their house...but it definately stayed with me...deep inside of me.

This whole thing is like a giant jigsaw puzzle. I start to feel a little better about my anxiety but as I do...other painfull things that I havn't thought about in years are uncovered.

Another crazy thing...I always said that when I had children I wouldn't be critical like my father was with me...and I am not. I praise our daughter for all she does and she is such a good little girl. Too bad I cannot take my own advise.

[Mark]

Glad to know that it is a pattern for you - not becuase it's fun to exist with - but because if you know something about it you have a chance to be proactive rather than simply reactive.

Exploring the root of the shame in the past is fine, but the real action is how the relational expectation plays out in the present. meaning - in the past, a relationship was set up where you were criticized by father, and this has (it seems) solidified into an expectation that you carry around with you and superimpose onto relationships with people who are not your father in the present. You expect that they are critical of you and hold yourself to a standard as though they are. This is not based on reality or evidence at least some of the time - what evidence from others observing your behavior you've presented suggests that people are not critical of you but instead are complementary. So part of the work is learning to recognize when you are not attending to the evidence in the environment but instead attending to the fossil shame expectation that lives and broadcasts in your head. The action is not about blaming your father - it's about doing psychological angioplasty on the residue of the relationship expectation that was first set up in interaction with your father that presently causes you to feel pressurized unnecessarily.

Relationship expectations like this are sometimes called relationship schemas, and there is a relatively new therapy called Schema Therapy which uses cognitive behavioral principles to identify, attack adn break down these faulty schemas that add suffering to your life. We did a podcast with Jeffrey Young, Ph.D, a psychologist who originated this new therapy some time ago, and you might be interested in listening to that.

[Beyondreach]

Well, it has been a little over a month since I posted last. I figured I would give everybody a status report of how I am doing. I have to admit, I feel like my old self again. There are days that are more difficult, but those days are much more few and far between now. I have to believe that the results are a combination of my therapy and medication. I have all the same issues as I had before, but now I handle them a lot differently than I did before. Insteaed of catastrphizing, I take the particular situation apart and look at it from a different view. Most of the things I worried about in the past that caused my anxiety I blew out of proportion. None of them could harm me and most of the time I was worrying over something that never eventually occured. I still have anxiety...I just deal with it a differently than I did before.

Again, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but it was not an easy road. Every now and again I will catch myself over thinking things...and I stop myself and move on to something else.

I have come to the realization that my anxiety is here to stay and I have to deal with it. It isn't going to magically go away like I hoped it would. I have dealt with it all my life up until now...and I will have to deal with it hear on every day forward. Again, much thanks to all those who took the time to respond in my time of need. Your kindness is appreciated.

Who ever said I am not beyondreach...yeah you were right. I am not beyondreach. It is good feel intouch with myself again.

[Natalie]

Hi Beyondreach-

It's great to hear that you're doing well. You have obviously done some hard work to get to this point. Congrats!

I want to point out that a goal with regard to dealing with anxiety should not be "to have no anxiety." We all need some anxiety, or nothing would get done and we would sit around like lumps! Research studies show that we need moderate amounts of anxiety to get us motivated, focused, and ready to do what we need to do.

So, anxiety will always be with you... just as it is for everyone else. You just need to focus on keeping the anxiety in moderation and constructive, rather than excessive and destructive.

[paula]

Hi Beyondreach

One thing to remember....... Mental illnesses, including Anxiety, isn't anyone's fault! All you can do is accept the fact that you could alway's have it? Treated with medical help it can be controlled. Treat it the best you can and go on. It's not the end of the world. It's just a new start to a new beggining.....

Paula

[Beyondreach]

Checking in again after a couple months since my last post. I like to keep in touch with my past and where I once was. Whenever I feel like hell about anything in particular, I come here and read through my thread. It is funny how our minds tend to block out the undesirable things in life. As painful as it can be, I like to read about the dark place I once was...it is a constant reminder of where I am and how far I have gotten. It also helps me keep things in check...when things start to slowly spiral...I know to back up a few steps and put thing back into perspective.

BTW...my wife is at 34 weeks pregnant and both her and the baby are healthy. We are almost there. I never thought we would ever get to this point. It has taken a long time for me to become excited considering out past history of loosing 5 to miscarriages. To feel him jumping around in my wifes belly at night is an undescribable joy. It is a little scary to become a father of a new born baby boy!!!

Again, to all those out there who suffer from anxiety, hang in there. You are not alone...it feels that way sometimes...I know. One day you will start to see the dim light. Some days you won't see it all...but others you will find comfort with a quiet smile.

[appleby]

Hiya Beyond Reach --

Great to hear your update! I'm glad that the anxiety has subsided and that you are getting excited about the arrival of your new baby boy!! Come on back and keep us posted when you can...

Appleby

[Beyondreach]

Well, it has almost been a year to the date since my first post here. I come back from time to time and read some of the posts. I will also read through the post I made along with all the responses. It is good to remember the past and where I've been. It has been a hellova journey this past year. I've had my ups and downs as all of us do. I guess the biggest difference has been how I handle my downs. They don't go away, nor does the anxiety. The anxiety is still as painful and difficult to deal with as always. I still worry and get stressed all the time about insignificant issues I cannot control. Although, you can say my attitude has changed quite a bit. When things do start to worry and stress me out...I've learned to take a step back and say to myself. How will this confrontation with my anxiety affect me tomorrow, a week from now, a month from now. More often than not I say the hell with it. There are three things that matter to me and they are my wife and two kids.

Don't think your anxiety will go away if you learn to practice cbt or take meds. It still exists and it is still difficult. Dealing with anxiety is like putting together a jigsaw puzzle. When you take the puzzle pieces out of the box, nothing makes any sense and is frustrating as can be. As time passes you concentrate and focus on one part at a time and begin to make sense of some pieces. Before long you the picture begins to become more clear. At the end of the day when you are finished, you take it apart and throw it back in the box. Tomorrow you will have another puzzle waiting for you.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Beyondreach,

Welcome back. I hope you stick around with us, we are happy to have you.

I agree, anxiety does not vanish. What we can do is reduce it but, of course, it comes back and that is not a bad thing. We need anxiety but, in the right situations and for the right purposes. Of course, we often have ill defined reasons for anxiety but those are existential in nature.

So, can you tell us what you have been "up to" during the last year and what the current sources of you anxiety are???

Allan:)

[Beyondreach]

Allan...you ask me "So, can you tell us what you have been "up to" during the last year and what the current sources of you anxiety are???"

What have I been up to over the last year. Good question....it has gone by so fast. Last summer was difficult in that my anxiety really took over my day to day life. It seems like over time I was doing less and less at work. I hated being there. I was tired, unmotivated, and fealt like Atlas trying to keep the world ballanced on my shoulders. I dreaded getting out of bed in the morning, getting ready, and heading to work. Once I got here, I didn't want to do anything. I didn't want to talk to anybody, didn't want to be let down by hearing another NO, didn't want to deal with any of the day to day standard issues. I fealt like a deer in the headlights the entire day. As I would drive home, my anxiety would lesson...but not go away. It would settle a bit when I spent time with my wife and young daughter. Once it became time for bed, I could feel it creeping up on me. You know...get the shakes, nervous, churning stomach. Start thinking about work. Wondering how I can handle another day. Telling myself to stay strong because not only do I have my family who counts on what I do for a living but 45 employees. I would get angry at myself for feeling lazy and unmotivated. It was a difficult 3-4 months. I saw that things were not magically getting better, thus saw a Dr. and started working with a counselor. The Dr. put me on meds around the end of July and the counselor helped me with CBT. None of it worked overnight. It was like watching your kids grow older. Before I knew it, we were stepping into fall and I was feeling much better. I learned to deal with my anxiety better.

As we crept into fall, I was very excited because after 4 years trying to have a child and 5 miscarriages, my wife was due to have our son in December. We were all so excited. The time flew between fall and winter when he was born. A healthy baby boy. Finally.

For the last six months we have been enjoying our new addition and one another. We are short in the sleep category, but he is such a good loving baby.

Just an FYI, I have had my bumps in the road since last fall. Don't get me wrong. There will be a week or two where I feel similarly to how I did last summer, but I kinda chug through it. I see my Dr. every couple months to make sure things are in check. I also see my therapist from time to time or as of lately on a regular basis to keep things in view.

Lately things have been difficult at work...but I am trying my best to keep my anxiety in check. I can "see it coming" a little better now and try to nip it in the bud.

A couple months back, business dropped a bit and I really have taken it personally. Again...the anxiety creeping up on me. Me not wanting to be here. Once I started feeling that way, I immediately set up an appointment with the Dr. and my therapist. I am no where near where I was last year, but it still catches me off guard from time to time. The important thing is that I've learned to recognize when things just don't feel right and how to address them immediately. It is a new puzzle every day. Somedays I don't feel like taking the damn thing out of the box...but eventually I do.

Today is a bit of a tough day, but I will get through it, as I do every day. I have my children and a loving wife who make my world go round. Anxiety is and always will be my cross to bare.